Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 May 5
May 05 (Tuesday) 02:10
I'm dreaming.I'm dreaming the same dream again.
I toyed with the rabbit plush, missing an ear, in front of the corpses. I plunged my index finger into the torn seam and widened the hole.
I put my fingers into the head and moved them around. The shape of the rabbit's head changed. The touch of cotton feels good. Back and forth, up and down. The eyeball came unstuck. Cotton fell out of its torn face.
I looked at my hands. Except for the fact that they're stained with blood, that began to dry, they shouldn't have changed. But those hands looked to me as if they had rotten and became pitch black.
My body is full with something like mud, consisting only of hatred. I want to cut up my body and scrape this mud out.
"I see. This is rather interesting."
"Hyy!"
This sudden voice startled me so much my heart had leapt into my throat.
"This is an outstanding distortion for an incident that happened nearby to this boy. I'm interested indeed. The way you're involved in this incident is splendid and your feelings for this boy seem amusing, too."
I turned around and looked at the owner of this voice.
He looks... Aah, right, that's because it's a dream, huh. He looked obscure as if he was veiled in haze. I couldn't even recognize his gender.
"W-Who are you? S-Since when are you here?"
Instead of answering, he (she?) just smiled.
I looked at Nii-san without thinking. He did not notice this person yet as it seems and was still crying soundlessly in dismay.
Where am I anyway? This was supposed to be my home, but something's wrong. It didn't feel real, almost as if I slipped into a photo.
"You are a very interesting being as well, though not as much as this boy. I knew already that humans get empty inside when they hate themselves, but observing this with my very own eyes is truly amusing. I see no reason to not give you a 'box'."
Ignoring my questions completely, he said weird things.
But there was something I understood.
He is charming. Incredibly.
"Do you have a wish?"
Of course I do. I was always begging, after all.
"This is a 'box' that grants any wish!"
He said so in his charming voice and held some kind of container out to me. As he mentioned, this looked like a box. But for some reason I could not perceive it clearly, although it was virtually right in front of me.
I tried touching it.
I realized that it's «real» just by this. Not because of something like logic, but because I felt with my entire body that it is «real».
I accepted it.
"How can I use it...?"
"Picture your wish precisely to yourself. That's all! Humans have the ability to grant wishes from the beginning. Therefore, this 'box' isn't so special. It merely simplifies your wish and makes it easier to be granted like that."
My 'wish' is to stop being Riko Asami. To become someone other than Riko Asami, whom I despise.
So who shall I become?
The first that came to mind was my adored Maria Otonashi. But this is impossible. She is no human after all. She's not a being someone like me could become.
But then it occurred to me.
"I wish,"
He is the boy that can call everyday life important as if it was a matter of fact. He is the boy that obtained Maria Otonashi for some reason.
'Everyday life is important'? Don't kid me. Try saying that again after experiencing my everyday life! I can't forgive him for enjoying happiness without reason.
Hence, give it all to me!
"I want to replace Kazuki Hoshino."
When I had spoke this out, the 'box' started folding up. When the 'box' became tiny and hard, it flew towards me like a bullet and penetrated into my body through my eye. Without leaving me enough time to feel any pain, it entered my heart and started to rule my entire body over the veins. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm being cut up, crushed, torn apart, scattered about, ruled by the 'box', ruled and---I vanished.
"Replace him, huh? Huhu... you are truly unfortunate."
He said with a charming smile.
"How unfortunate for you to realize just being a replacement."
Why? It is only bliss that I vanish.
"An empty human can only picture an empty 'wish'. I'm sorry, but I was fully aware of that, you know?"
He said with a truly charming, gentle smile.
"Aah, how adorable! To think you could escape from your own deeds just by this; I find this childish side of you terribly adorable!"
And then my dream continued with me being thrown into the mud.
Swallowing mud, unable to breathe or speak.
May 05 (Tuesday) 06:15
I had awoken already a while ago.But I was just lying on Maria Otonashi's bed like a puppet, lacking the willpower to move. I have to come in contact with Riko Asami. Even while knowing that, I cannot move.
Maria Otonashi had sat down on a seat and was looking at me all the time.
And yet, I can't move. I can't even avert my eyes from this piercing glance of her.
After a while of exchanging glances, she was finally the one who ran out of patience and averted her eyes. She stood up and left to somewhere.
She came back after a few moments and pressed a cup of coffee upon me. I just viewed the steam in front of my eyes. I didn't accept the cup for a long time, which made her run out of patience again; she started drinking the coffee herself and said something like "Bitter...".
"......Mhh, right, since I'm idle anyway, I'll talk a bit to myself."
She said so while looking with a frown at the cup.
"I am a 'box'. I can, in fact, grant 'wishes' exactly as the 'box' does."
She said so as if it was just incidentally to drinking coffee.
"But I'm a failure as 'box'. The happiness I can bring is only fabricated and fake."
She seemed to be talking indifferently, but I could clearly see bitterness in her expression.
"I wonder what happiness is. Is it something you can obtain depending on your sentiments? If so, can someone who unwillingly erased his entire family obtain happiness just by changing his heart?"
I thought she was talking about me. But this might not be true.
"...I think it's impossible. I am here because I think so."
She has to be talking about herself.
"I don't know your circumstances exactly. But I don't think you can attain happiness just by changing one sentiment in your situation. Aren't you thinking so, too?"
Exactly. Hell awaits me wherever I go.
"You wanted me to «save» you, right?"
She said so after emptying her coffee.
"If you don't mind it being flawed, I shall grant you a 'wish'."
Normally one would think this is a blatant lie. But she was deadly serious.
Therefore, this was more than enough, leaving aside whether to believe it or not.
"......really?"
It was more enough to make me open my mouth.
"Yeah. If every path leads you to hell, I shall present you with another one. It may be just an illusion, but in your case you have no other choice, right?"
If she wanted to raise my hopes just to make me move, she wouldn't speak like this.
"But are you alright with using such an unrealistic power, Maria-san...? Don't you have to pay some kind of compensation for using your power, like in a Manga?"
Maria Otonashi kept silent.
"So there is a catch, right?"
"...Nothing you should care about."
"If you phrase it like this, I care about it all the more!"
She let out a sigh to my words and said:
"I lose a part of my memory."
"Eh...?"
"By using the 'Flawed Bliss', I forget about the target of the wish and the people that had to do with him up to a certain point. In fact, I have almost no memories. Neither do I have memories of my family, nor of my friends. I only have the memory that I wished to do so on my own accord."
"What the...?"
This is just too cruel.
"...But doesn't this mean that you would forget about Kazuki Hoshino when using the 'box' on me...?"
She didn't reply to this question.
Surely because I was right.
"...I don't get it! Why would you go this far just for my sake? You'd even abandon the memories of a dear person, why...?"
"That's my affair. As I mentioned before, it's nothing you should care about."
"There's no w---"
"You're the same as me."
She interrupted me.
"I don't want to see you in misfortune. I wouldn't be able to bear up with this. In the first place, do you think I would have turned into a 'box' if I overlooked such things!"
And for this sake she'd be ready to lose dear memories?
That's just weird. Weird, but---.
Exactly because of that she was able to become a perfect creation.
If I can escape hell by this, and if it's what she's wishing for, then I shall accept her offer.
"Please lend me the phone."
Maria Otonashi nodded and handed Kazuki Hoshino's mobile phone over to me.
I noticed that my phone number was noted in the dialed calls history. I guess they tried to call me on my phone.
But that's not enough to get in touch with her.
I, too, had tried to reach her on that number, but it didn't connect. She didn't phone me from my number.
It was the number of Yuuhei Ishihara's phone.
I dialed. After a few moments,
"Hello?,"
Riko Asami answered the phone.
May 05 (Tuesday) 21:42
When completing the note I got from Miyazawa-kun at May 02nd, it turns out like this.| 00-01 | 01-02 | 23-24 | 1st day |
| 02-03 | 03-04 | 04-05 | 2nd day |
| 11-12 | 13-14 | 15-16 | 3rd day |
| 09-10 | 16-17 | 20-21 | 4th day |
| 06-07 | 08-09 | 19-20 | 5th day |
| 05-06 | 07-08 | 17-18 | 6th day |
| 12-13 | 14-15 | 18-19 | 7th day End |
It's 21:43. In other words, [Kazuki Hoshino] has one hour and 17 minutes left until it's 23:00.
Until then we have to do anything we can.
The preparations for this have already ended.
[Riko Asami] got in touch with «Asami-san». «Asami-san» accepted our wish to meet her and stated time and place.
And now we were facing Riko Asami.
The place that was suggested by «Asami-san» was our school. The school does have a security system, but it doesn't activate just by climbing over the school gate.
The school was empty because of the Golden Week.
Only she was standing in the midst of the desolate schoolyard.
"Why do you think have I decided to meet you?"
As expected, her whispering voice was completely different from the speaking style were used from her.
"I know Maria-san's aim, after all. You came in order to avert my suicide and steal my 'box', right? But even though this is inconvenient for me, I decided to meet you. Do you know why?"
Asami-san said and seemed somehow unable to focus her eyes.
"I wanted to see you once more for the last time at the end. I wanted to see the person I adored; the person who achieved what I didn't: creating the perfect self."
"You're wrong."
Maria interrupted her with a distinct voice.
"You want me to stop you from committing such a silly act like throwing your life away."
Riko Asami listened silently to Maria.
And then her mouth curled slightly up.
"I'm afraid such a clichéd words don't work for me. What a shame... I didn't want you to say such a painful thing."
"Hmpf, why did you meet us, then? Do you think I can't see that you're afraid from dying?"
"You're rather my guarantee."
"...guarantee?"
"I thought you might kill me when I noticed being afraid from committing suicide."
Riko Asami spoke so indifferently.
"......"
I wonder why? Why does their exchange---make me so irritated?
There should be other feelings I ought to have. Nervousness, fear, sympathy - those feelings would be much more natural. And yet, why am I feeling irritation?
I thought and thought---and noticed.
------Oh no, this can't...
"Asami-san."
I had probably noticed this unknowingly. It's only reasonable to get irritated then! This idle talk is completely meaningless, isn't it?
"You have met Miyazawa-kun during the 'Sevennight in Mud', right?"
Asami-san nodded slowly to my sudden question.
"To make us believe that there's no escape from the 'Sevennight in Mud', Miyazawa-kun lied to us that the 'owner' was dead. He tried to make me give up to complete this 'box'."
"...So?"
Asami-san urged me to continue, whereupon I nodded.
"I'm sure Miyazawa-kun was convinced that we wouldn't be able to find you. But you're alive. So where did this conviction come from?"
Asami-san hesitated only for a moment and said:
"...That's because I promised to hide when I met him. Hence, Nii-san---"
"Why?"
I broke in on her and asked so.
"Why would you, while being ready to commit suicide in order to stop the 'Sevennight in Mud', need to cooperate with Miyazawa-kun, who is the ally of [Riko Asami] who wishes its completion?"
She kept quiet.
"Isn't this a little mismatched?"
"...You wouldn't understand my conflict, Kazuki Hoshino."
I can't endure it anymore. I can't bear up against this hatred anymore.
"It's disgusting! Stop this weird speaking style already!"
"......This is my original way of talking. I guess you don't know about it, but since middle school---"
"Now won't you stop this acting already? You don't want to hide anyway since you decided to appear before us again, right? So,"
"Stop this tone already, '0'!"
Maria opened her eyes wide and looked at Asami-san---no, '0'.
The expression on Asami-san's face disappeared. I could no longer feel anything from Riko Asami in this inhuman face.
"You started this acting already on April 30th, right? Your bad taste is just over the top! Now that I think of it, Asami-san felt only strange to me at the time. At the next day, Haruaki forgot that she had been strange. That's because of your characteristic that everyone except of the 'owner' forgets about you, isn't it? You did never enter the classroom because Miyazawa-kun was there, right?"
Asami-san was still expressionlessly listening to me.
"Miyazawa-kun was only able to tell this big lie that Asami-san's dead, because he knew that her body was taken over by you, '0'. If an inhuman being like you tells him something like «I won't appear anymore» after taking Asami-san's body over, he would naturally believe it. "
Asami-san did still not change her expression.
"He may have forgotten about your existence, but seems like he hasn't forgotten about the fact that his sister was taken over by someone. Hence, the only salvation for Miyazawa-kun was to complete the 'Sevennight in Mud'. This is how you made him [my] enemy. This is how you prepared the stage to make [me] and [Riko Asami] able to fight each other."
I scowled at Asami-san and declared:
"Like this, you enjoyed observing me."
The moment I finished speaking---
"Huhu"
This void expression crumbled down and Riko Asami vanished completely.
No, the body was still the same. But it's obvious now. Riko Asami cannot exist within this expression. No human would be able to form such an abysmal smile.
"Oh, I really have to praise you!"
'0' clapped his hands while maintaining the smile. He can keep his composure because he knows for sure that he's out of our reach, no matter if we found him.
"...You seem quite amused, '0'."
Maria said with a frown.
"Amused? Huhu, of course I am! This time was really worth observing. It was truly interesting to see how Kazuki Hoshino would react when his body was stolen, how he would think, how he would suffer! I hadn't expected that you would perceive [Riko Asami] distinctly as «enemy» and hurt her. Huhu, compared to last time it was a very short time, but in return it was luxuriant."
"You pervert."
Maria's insult did, however, not make '0' stop his smile.
"Very well---I'll give this 'box' to you then."
I was unable to understand his words right away.
What did he just say? Give the 'box' to us? Why? We have not even started the negotiations for the 'box'...
"......what are you scheming?"
Maria asked for me.
"Oh? Is my behavior strange, perhaps?"
"Do you want to tell me that this calm attitude of yours is just a bluff and that you're cornered because we found you?"
"Your answer misses the mark entirely. Why do I need to be cornered? ...I see, it seems there is a misunderstanding. My goal is not to be your hindrance, but to observe Kazuki Hoshino, you know? I was able to enjoy observing him more than enough in this 'box'. I have already achieved my goal. Therefore I have no reason to not give you this no longer used 'box'."
Now that he mentions it, it's evident. '0's goal was not to complete the 'Sevennight in Mud'. No, if it were completed, this would rather---
"Ah...!"
"Oh, seems like you noticed even though I made no mention of it. How pitiful."
Surely he's happy to have seen my pale face. '0' said so with a smiling expression.
"Exactly, the 'box' you call 'Sevennight in Mud' was not supposed to be completed from the beginning. Riko Asami is a quite amusing human, really. But I would never sacrifice my dear object of observation just because of such a minor existence. Letting [Riko Asami] take over «Kazuki Hoshino»? I can't allow this."
'0' chuckled.
"Therefore, no matter whether you found me or not, I would have given you the 'box' eventually. Giving you the 'box' readily is not strange at all."
I looked at [Riko Asami] as hostile in order to get myself back.
For this sake, I hurt [Riko Asami] and made her suffer. I even involved Miyazawa-kun in this. I even betrayed Maria once.
And yet,
Although I went through all this,
"It was all futile."
After all I just danced to '0's pipe?
If so, what was the point in this week...
"I was not futile."
Having heard this denial, I looked at her without thinking.
Maria, who declared so, gave '0' a daring grin.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't you get it? Kazuki's goal is to regain his everyday life. It's only natural that he gives his all to achieve this goal. That's why nothing would have changed. Even if he was able to guess that you had no plans to complete the 'Sevennight in Mud', his actions would not have changed."
"Why so?"
'0' asked curiously.
"It's a matter of course."
Maria said as if she was laughing at '0'.
"One could never rely on something fragile like your whim."
Aah, I see. The deed of handing the 'box' over to me is merely a whim he does 'because this ends up the most amusing for him'.
I would never rely on something like this and not move. Even if it was wasted effort, I would have gave my all to find a solution for this 'box'.
"I see. But leaving Kazuki-kun aside, for you it was entirely wasted effort. This 'box' can already not be used again, after all."
"What a laughable simple thinking. Your appearance made me proceed at least a step. Because you just proved that I will run across '0' or 'boxes' if I'm together with Kazuki."
"Hm...?"
Having heard her words, '0' opened his eyes wide affectedly.
"Are you serious?"
Maria answered with an amazed expression.
"Hey, I have already spent a life's time chasing after the 'box'. Why would you doubt my words?"
"No, that's not what I mean! I don't care about your foolishness. I'm asking whether this proof that you can come across me when being together with Kazuki-kun has any meaning."
Maria's opened her eyes wide to these words. And then she turned slowly pale.
"You hadn't noticed... or rather, you hadn't thought about it deeply?"
'0' said with a smile.
"This proof is meaningless. You plan to leave Kazuki-kun anyway, don't you?"
Wh...at...?
"D-Don't talk nonsense!"
"Huhu, isn't this pale face of her the best proof for the truth of my words? You know, Kazuki-kun? She's planning to let [Riko Asami] use her 'box'!"
"Using the 'Flawed Bliss'...?"
Having touched that 'box', I know. Having seen this ground of the sea, I know.
Letting someone use her own 'box'. This is an absolute taboo. Even I know that using her 'box' is a fatal mistake.
"If she does so, she will forget about you. Having lost those memories, she will certainly go away from you guys."
"W-Why do you know such a thing!"
"Because it was always like this when she let someone use her 'box'."
I looked at Maria without knowing. Seeing her biting her lips, I realized that he's telling the truth.
"Why would you want to use the 'Flawed Bliss'...?"
"...Didn't I tell you? I cannot accept the inevitable misfortune that awaits Asami."
For this sake you don't mind ignoring your own desires...?
Aah, I see. She was always like this. She is a person who can even throw her own life away to save another person.
"I am a 'box'. I am no human. I have to exist for the sake of saving others. Right, because of this---"
Maria regained her imposing expression and declared distinctly:
"I shall stay [Aya Otonashi]"
But where are [Maria Otonashi]'s feelings in those words?
«---don't lose sight of me anymore»
Weren't those the true feelings of Maria? Weren't those the true feelings of the girl that could no longer bear up against solitude?
This is just wrong. Ignoring one's own feelings cannot be right.
But I can't tell her that it's wrong carelessly. Not knowing what made her gain so much resolution, I can't deny her.
"Maria."
Therefore I can only speak out this name, that only I had been able to call, and confront her with my own feelings.
"I don't want that."
Maria's face stiffened up slightly.
"I definitely don't want you to forget about me and disappear!"
"......Kazuki."
"That's cruel! While telling me to not lose sight of you, you plan to lose sight of me! That's just cruel!"
Maria looked at the ground after hearing my cry and bit on her lips.
"......But if I don't, Asami will---"
I gripped Maria's right hand forcedly which made her stop her words. She looked at me wide-eyedly.
"Asami-san will be all right."
"...Why can you say so?"
"Because I believe in something you may not be able to believe in and what may make you irritated."
I put some more power into my grip.
"I believe that there is no despair that can't be solved by the everyday life."
I noticed that her fingers were more delicate than I had expected. No, not only her fingers. Maria's entire body is delicate. In contrast to her personality.
"Therefore Asami-san will be all right, even if the 'Sevennight in Mud' gets destroyed. There's no way only despair would await her!"
"......you want me to believe in that?"
She whispered.
I already thought that it would be rejected by her.
I mean, she seeks for the 'box'. There's no way she could accept me, who believes in the everyday life, despite seeking for the 'box' that brings destruction to the everyday life.
But I believe in the everyday life nonetheless.
"She just has to find hope."
"...What?"
"I admit that despair might await Asami-san. But there is even hope within this despair! At least I know of one."
"What hope...?"
"There is a person that values Asami-san just this much. Can't this become her hope?"
I noticed that faint hesitation started to appear within her expression.
"...Surely this would apply if nothing had happened. But Asami is going to go to prison for a long time without doubt because of that incident."
"But even so, if the two of them combine their power, they will be all right. If they realize how dear they are to each other, they will be all right! Don't you think so?"
"......"
"Maybe I'm just conceiting myself to understand Asami-san. There is still one hour left to [Riko Asami]. You can still confirm her feelings before coming to a decision! ...No, don't just confirm, please help her find hope. I'm sure there is."
I pressed her hand a little more tighter.
"You might as well bring her real happiness instead of an illusion!"
Having said so, I let go of her hand. Maria gazed fixedly at her own hand.
"......U-Umm, now's Golden Week, right?"
Upon hearing my sudden words, Maria raised an eyebrow and raised her head.
"Because of all this we had no time to enjoy our holidays, right? But, you know, tomorrow still a holiday, so umm..."
I closed my eyes, pulled myself up and spoke.
"So, umm... let's go somewhere tomorrow. Err... right, let's go eat strawberry tarte. You mentioned you like that, right?"
Maria opened her eyes wide. She had been stiffened up all the time, but her cheeks softened now as if this was a lie.
"Huhu... what are you saying?"
"Y-You don't want to?"
"...This will mean that you spent each day of the Golden Week with me, you know?"
"Eh? Is there a problem with that?"
When I said so tilting my head, Maria smiled wryly for some reason.
"Never mind."
"Mh? So will you promise?"
Promise.
When I spoke this word out, her mouth strained again.
Maria looked once down. She reflected upon the meaning of such a promise and opened her eyes again. Her mouth relaxed, she raised the corners of her mouth and said to me in a awe-inspiring but gentle voice:
"I promise. I promise you a future in which we can go eat strawberry tarte peacefully tomorrow."
Yeah, so I have nothing to worry about anymore.
Like this, I waited for the last switching.
May 05 (Tuesday) 23:00
Nothing ended.Although Maria Otonashi had promised me that I would never switch again to this body, nothing ended.
For some reason I was standing in the midst of the schoolyard, but here was nothing but darkness. I know the school building's nearby, but I can't see anything. Nothing. Nothing's nearby.
Only Riko Asami and me were facing each other.
I don't get it. What's this situation? Where did Maria-san go?
"It's been a while."
Riko Asami opened her mouth in front of me.
I raised an eyebrow. Something's wrong?
"Huhu, I suppose you don't recognize me in this appearance. I am '0'!"
"Eh?"
An obviously different tone in the voice and a charming smile I would never be able to do. Aah, right. Indeed, this person is '0'.
"Why are you in Riko Asami's appearance before me...? And where's Maria-san...?"
'0' only smiled to this question, and just approached me silently without reply. Because of this queer intensity of him, I stepped back instinctively.
"Kazuki Hoshino said that there's even hope in your everyday life!"
He said so and reached out for me. Then he put his fingers into my mouth.
"A-gh...?"
"Though there couldn't possibly be."
Riko Asami's fingers ran wild in my mouth. They got dirty with my saliva. This saliva on her fingers tasted almost like the body fluids of an insect to me.
"Because you perceive your own taste just by this."
'0' said with my looks.
"---which is the taste of mud."
...Yeah, it tastes like that indeed.
It's bitter, incredibly bitter---I can't bear it. Although this should be Kazuki Hoshino's body, mud started to spread slowly like a virus. My body blackens. It gets stained with the color of sin. The filthy mud overflows and violates me
'0' took his fingers out of my mouth. I fell on my knees. The mud inside me shook once because of this.
"Your repulsion against yourself can't be helped. You were---", I felt nauseous when I heard this word. "---by the person you hated the most. Thus, this mud inside you will stay there to all eternity."
'0' laid his hand on my shoulder. I raised my head and saw the face of Riko Asami I don't even want to see.
"There can't possibly be hope for you, who cannot get rid of the own mud."
I know this much.
There's no way I'd find hope in my everyday life. There was none until now. So why should there be any for me, now that I committed a crime on top of being stained?
Riko Asami is no more.
"That's not true."
I turned around to this voice behind me, still on my knees.
Maria Otonashi was standing there with wild breath. Besides her was Nii-san. Nii-san, who does not consider me his sister anymore.
"You were faster than expected."
"What the hell was this violence against [Riko Asami], '0'!"
Maria Otonashi roared angry at '0'.
"Huhu... I'd prefer if you and Kazuki Hoshino-kun got separated, you know. I just adjusted her a bit to my convenience. ...Well, did you find something that could give her hope?"
"I did."
Maria Otonashi affirmed right away.
'0' did not change his expression to this reaction, however.
"Riko."
Nii-san called my name. A terribly strange feeling.
I see, because it's the first time. The first time Nii-san addressed me by this name since I've got into this body.
"...what is it at this late hour? You don't consider me your «younger sister», do you?"
"You're finally aware of being Riko Asami, right? If so, things change. I can call you «Riko Asami»."
I kept quiet, so Nii-san continued.
"Tell me, what do you plan to do now? The 'Sevennight in Mud' is going to get destroyed. You will return to being Riko Asami. You and I will get separated. What will you do then?"
"I will use Maria-san's 'box'!"
"Asami. Sorry, but I take that back."
"Eh...?"
I looked without thinking at Maria Otonashi.
"After listening to Miyazawa, I changed my mind. I can't let you use this 'box'."
She said boldly without showing any shame for revoking her promise.
No, it's obvious! I'm sure she realized how foolish it would be to lose her memory just for my sake.
"Then I'll die!"
A completely natural answer. This is of course the best solution in this case.
Nii-san frowned to my words and spat out those words:
"Do you think [Riko Asami] belongs only to you?"
"...Huh?"
I am Riko Asami. Therefore, I belong to me. Isn't this natural?
"Why are you looking so surprised? You belong to yourself? No way!"
Nii-san said, amazed at me.
"You also belong to me! And not only that. You also belong to Maria Otonashi, and you belong to Kazuki Hoshino. So, you know,"
He scowled at me.
"I won't permit you to die on your own accord!"
I don't get it.
I don't get why Nii-san says so to me with a gentle face.
"So how is my sin forgiven...? I'm not even allowed to die?! Two people are dead because of me. I have to---"
"Riko."
He stopped me from continuing.
"This is the main reason why I decided to not let you use my 'box'. I misunderstood. Well, Miyazawa may have kept quiet about it purposely, but I misunderstood the truth."
Maria Otonashi continued.
"Ryuu Miyazawa was the one who killed those two, right?"
...No. Surely, it was Nii-san who conducted it. But I knew that this would happen when I sought for help from him. Nii-san merely realized my wish at the time and executed it.
Hence, this is my sin.
"Don't misunderstand, Riko! I didn't kill them in place of you. I hated them. I detested them. I was just unable to control these intense feelings of mine."
That's a lie.
Sure, he might have hated them. But just with those feelings, he would not have been able to execute it. He crossed the last line because he wanted to free me. I was the one who made him pull the trigger.
"I thought about escaping with you. But this isn't realistic. We are still minors and wouldn't be able to live the life on the run. Even if we could, I don't think we'd find happiness in a life of being chased."
Nii-san smiled wryly and spoke.
"Thus, I will deliver myself up. I will prove your innocence. This is the best decision I can make."
Nii-san is trying to take all my sin from me and take it together with him to prison.
"......Why do you, for my sake, such---"
"Don't make me say such a thing!"
I don't get it at all. Why? We may be siblings, but we are different humans. He doesn't profit from doing something for me.
Nii-san took something out of his bag and gave it to me.
I accepted it silently. The touch of it seemed familiar to me. I looked at this «something» I had accepted.
"---Ah."
My voice leaked out.
I mean, wasn't this destroyed? Wasn't everything important to me destroyed?
"I washed it, stuffed it with cotton and sewed back together. That's all. Well, it's certainly not like new, but you can say it's repaired, right?"
It was a rabbit plush.
The stuffed plush I had received from Nii-san, who had won it for me in an UFO catcher.
"A, ah---"
I knelt down. A cry left my mouth unwittingly and I started to shed tears. Those tears washed some of the mud inside me away. ...Of course not all of it. I won't get rid of this mud. ---But some of it was indeed washed away now.
Maybe,
Maybe---
"......Nii-san"
Maybe I didn't even need to wish to the 'box' to begin with. Maybe I just hadn't noticed.
Because I'm sure---
---my 'wish' was already granted a long time ago.
"I'm sorry, Nii-san. It was all my fault, I'm sorry."
Because I hadn't noticed this, Nii-san had to substitute for me. If I had valued myself, the outcome would have differed.
"This time it's my turn to save you, Nii-san."
I wiped my tears away and stood up. Nii-san was looking at me slightly surprisedly.
"I will save you from suffering... I'll wait for you. Until we can be together again, I will wait for you."
My voice was still trembling and my smile was kind of forced, but even so, I said distinctly:
"I will wait for you as Riko Asami."
Wide-eyed, Nii-san was frozen for a while, but then his expression relaxed slowly.
Unlike yesterday, vitality was dwelling in his eyes.
"You know what?"
Nii-san opened his mouth while smiling.
"'I didn't make it in time'. I always thought like this. But perhaps---perhaps I made it barely in time."
I can definitely not say that I'm fully satisfied with this outcome. Nii-san and I will, without doubt, hate our past until death.
However, we managed to get hold of something to persevere somehow.
Without doubt, we grasped it.
Maria Otonashi, who had viewed us silently, nodded with a smile.
"So I could hold my promise with Kazuki."
Having said so, her smile disappeared with her scowling at '0'.
"Now come out with the 'box'!"
'0' nodded without stopping to smile.
My 'box', the 'Sevennight in Mud', is going to end with this. '0' held his hand against his, Riko Asami's, eye. My eyeball got touched. Although I'm not the one who is being touched right now, I'm feeling it.
'0' reached into the eye as if he wanted to take it out. Unable to endure the pain, I screamed low-voiced and closed my eyes. It hurts! ...But while it really hurts, I think it's right. I feel it's right. Hence, I endured the pain of my eyeballs being crushed.
The pain stopped. I looked once again at '0'.
He had finished his work. My eyeball was unharmed and '0' was holding a little, black 'box' in his hand that looked like a bullet.
"So is this perhaps the proof for Kazuki Hoshino-kun's words 'there is no despair that can't be solved by the everyday life'?"
"......This time, maybe."
"Huhu... I see. You have no other choice but to say so. It is, after all, a denial of your existence as 'box'. Kazuki-kun can say really cruel things."
Maria Otonashi scowled at '0' and stole the 'box' out of his hands rudely.
"With this I can go be together with Kazuki. That's all I want for now."
"Are you procrastinating your conclusion? Do you still not decide whether you return to being [Maria Otonashi] or stay [Aya Otonashi]?"
"What a silly question."
Maria Otonashi gazed at the 'Sevennight in Mud' in her hands. She bit on her lips as if she hated this 'box'.
"The answer was decided a long time ago."
"I suppose so."
'0' replied half-heartedly, seeming uninterested.
"I am a 'box'."
She stopped biting on her lips and spoke.
"I can't return to me back when I was not a 'box' yet."
Her strong gaze.
It was the expression of the creation I had adored all this time.
"Therefore it's the best to maintain my current individuality. You may take this as «Choosing to stay [Aya Otonashi]»."
"Then why do you keep company with Kazuki Hoshino?"
"------"
She kept silent.
"Isn't this rather inconvenient for you? Didn't you offer Riko Asami to use your 'box' because you thought so, too?"
"...I have no idea what you mean."
"Huhu, you might still be captivated by the curse of the world of recurrences. This Kasumi Mogi might be a powerful enemy of yours, right?"
".........hmpf."
She looked again at the 'box' and rolled it between her hands.
"......I had decided. Long ago. And yet this Kazuki said «I don't want that»...!"
She murmured with a tiny voice and revealed, only for a moment, a bitter face.
But, she erased this expression right away. She regained the expression of the perfect creation, which I found beautiful.
But I'm sure the creator of this creation went through great pains and sorrow while creating it.
I wonder how she, who granted the 'wish' of the 'Sevennight in Mud' already with her sole will, had looked over me and the 'box'.
At last, she bit on her lips, looked at the bullet-like 'box' and---
---crushed the 'Sevennight in Mud', seeming sorrowful somewhere.
May 05 (Tuesday) 23:56
This awakening was clearly different from the others. I felt strangely refreshed. I felt now that my body really had been stolen by [Riko Asami].I opened my mobile phone and checked the time.
«23:57»
[I] was here in the time frame that was stolen from me on the first day by [Riko Asami].
It's over.
But leaving me no time to be deeply moved, my body was suddenly grasped tightly.
"Eh?! Ah... M-Maria...?"
She's embracing me?
But it's not a gentle hug at all. It was a tight pressure as if trying to adhere to me.
"W-What's the matter?"
She didn't reply to my question.
Because I couldn't help it, I let her continue hugging me as she pleased. I couldn't see her expression.
"......Say it one more time."
"Eh?"
"I'm telling you to say «Maria» one more time."
"......err, M-Maria."
".........say it once more."
"Maria."
"......"
She kept quiet.
"It's your fault."
Maria said suddenly.
"Don't get carried away. In the first place, I'm only together with you because I can meet '0' like this. There is no deeper meaning in it. And yet you're always being carried away and do only unnecessary things. All my suffering this time was your fault."
"......I don't really get it, but isn't that a bit cruel?"
"It's the truth, you fool."
When she finished speaking, she thrust me away.
This time's violence?!
And yet, she's smiling happily after all.
"Well, shall we go then?"
"Eh? Where to?"
"What are you saying? Didn't you promise me yesterday, that we'd go eat strawberry tarte tomorrow?"
"...Well, sure I said that. But it's still the fifth of ---"
"Look at the time."
I took my mobile phone out as told.
«00:00»
The date had changed actually.
"I know a family restaurant that is opened at night and serves strawberry tarte. Let's go there."
"E, eeh? T-That's not the problem... doesn't 'tomorrow' usually stand for having slept and woken u---"
"Stop nitpicking. Let's go quickly."
Maria then pulled my hand.
Duh... maybe I should not have made such a promise? I have a hunch that I'm also going to be dragged around all day tomorrow.
...Well, I don't mind I guess?
Since it's not disagreeable at all.
While being dragged along by Maria, I looked at the two who remained at the center of the schoolyard.
Two intimate siblings were smiling while taking each other's hands there.
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