Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 May 4
May 04 (Monday) 07:49
I noticed that I had been restrained by hand- and footcuffs and was lying on a futon on the ground. But I couldn't think properly yet, still dazed.I was inside anguish I didn't know whether it's reality or dream.
The feeling was like that of sinking into a bottomless swamp.
I struggle and struggle to no avail, sink deeper and deeper, and in the end forget for what sake I struggle. I even become unable to struggle. I just sink deeper into the mud. My body gets filled with mud. I become mud myself. My inside and my outside, both become only mud. Therefore, lose sight of my contours since they're painted out.
I cannot see myself anymore.
......I, huh.
[TL Note: Japanese has several ways to say 'I'. He's referring to 'Boku']
When I entered this body, I first called me like this purposely, but by now I use it completely naturally. I guess this is not because I'm getting used to it, but because my mind is dragged along by Kazuki Hoshino's body.
That's why I'm able to believe that I can become Kazuki Hoshino---being dragged along by this body.
I finally awoke and straightened my upper body. I recognized this place because of the pepper mint fragrance. It's not the apartment of Ryuu Miyazawa - where I should be---but Maria Otonashi's room.
I heard a weak sleeper's breathing. I looked to the bed and saw Maria Otonashi sleeping turned to me. Her expression wasn't stretched as always. Her face looked like the one of a girl at my age when she's sleeping. ....No, she is in fact at the same age as me.
"Why are you staring at me?"
Her innocent expression disappeared instantly.
"You look cute when you sleep, Otonashi-san."
"So you're [Yuuhei Ishihara]."
She saw through me right away. Although this time frame between 07:00 and 08:00 belonged to [Kazuki Hoshino] until yesterday.
Maria Otonashi raised her upper body and peeked at my eyes.
"I'm afraid you're alive."
"......Hah?"
I couldn't react properly to such a sudden statement.
"I'm telling you that the 'owner' is still alive."
I still couldn't comprehend the meaning immediately. But then I slowly realized that she had just made a outrageous statement.
What on earth...?
I had still trouble coming along and was just looking at Maria Otonashi's face. She looked with a scornful expression at the dumbfounded me, and stood up.
"Well, I think it's time to go. I don't have the leisure to chat with you."
Maria Otonashi took a jacket out of the closet and put it on.
"Where do you go...?"
"A foolish question. I'll go search the 'owner'. What else?"
If the 'owner' is alive then this is a plausible action. She opened the door and left without turning around.
What? What does this mean? What on earth happened?
Did our strategy yesterday fail? Otherwise I wouldn't have come under this situation.
For now I have to grasp the situation.
I searched my mobile phone in order to phone Ryuu Miyazawa. I saw Kazuki Hoshino's mobile phone lying on the table. I reached my hands out for it---
"----!"
The mobile phone rang with such a timing that it seemed as if it had waited for me and made me cringe with fear.
According to the clock, it had just turned 08:00. 08:00 is my time since yesterday. Surely, Ryuu Miyazawa waited for this time and made a call.
I took the phone in my hands and looked at the phone number.
"......Eh?"
It was not the number I had expected. This number surely was... ---no, this can't be! The owner of this number would never call me!
But then, who is it?
My fingers were trembling faintly, but I acted as if I didn't notice and pressed the Phone-button.
"......hello?"
«......»
The caller kept silent.
"Hello? ...Who is it?"
«Riko Asami.»
"Wha---"
I became speechless.
«Why are you so surprised?»
"Y-You---"
«Did you think I was dead? Did you think I was killed? Bad luck, huh. We're actually having a conversation now.»
It was indeed Riko Asami's voice.
"This is impossible! You can't be alive! Ryuu Miyazawa should have killed you!"
«...hu, huhu, I know this more than enough, but you can only see yourself. How foolish. Don't you get it? This person would never be able to kill me.»
Ryuu Miyazawa cannot kill Riko Asami? ...I can't believe it. Riko Asami should be an eyesore for Ryuu Miyazawa as well.
«You're a fool to consider having killed someone without using your own hands. You're a piece of trash one can't even look at. Why can't you get burned in an incinerator as trash is supposed to?»
Riko Asami took advantage of my confusion and goofed on me.
I finally accepted the fact that she wasn't dead and noticed a certain thing.
"...why are you talking like this?"
«The way I talk?»
"You're talking almost like---"
«Almost like myself in the past? Like I did before starting to pretend to be tough? Like myself when I was dark and just able to endure? ...I'm surprised you can claim that...»
Riko Asami laughed reservedly and continued to speak.
«...When you haven't changed yourself.»
I haven't changed, she says? I, who have worked this hard all the time? I, who admired Maria Otonashi and formed a new self? I, who is going to become Kazuki Hoshino? ...I have not changed?
Don't kid with me! In spite of just being Riko Asami!
"...Don't kid with me! Did you call me because you wanted to pester me or what?"
Upon hearing my enmity, she, who should have been timid in the past, spoke:
«Yes!»
"...Eh?"
«You know? I can't forgive someone like you who's trying to overtake someone other's body. ...Honestly, what's that? You ought to know your place. You ought to drop dead. Therefore---»
Riko Asami said without emotion.
«---I think I'll crush this 'box'.»
"What... are you saying...?"
«You know I'm able to, right? After all, I, Riko Asami, am the 'owner'.»
I lost even the words to counter her and fell into silence. My hands were trembling.
Riko Asami giggled silently and said to me.
[TL Note: Now 'Atashi' was used as 'I'. This is used by girls.]
«Don't think about getting saved alone! Okay, [Riko Asami]-san?»
[TL Note: You got it. The owner's Riko Asami. However, in the story she was always referred to with 'he'. That is because it wasn't possible to address her neutrally in English.]
May 04 (Monday) 10:01
«...save... me..... Please, Nii-san, save me....!»This scream for help belonged to Riko Asami.
Come to think of it, Miyazawa-kun has only said «siblings», but did never mention «younger brother». I arbitrarily considered her a boy because she spoke with my, a male, voice and called herself «Yuuhei Ishihara» at that. Of course he didn't correct me on purpose, probably.
But I would have never dreamed of Asami-san being Miyazawa-kun's younger sister. After all they don't have the same last name and I have never heard such rumors. Despite visiting our classroom every day, she didn't show any signs of it. I suppose they were concealing their sibling relationship purposely because of their complicated family affairs.
Perhaps she did not only come to our classroom to meet Maria, but also to see Miyazawa-kun.
I asked Maria, who had come back to the room before I switched to [me], while she was removing my handcuffs.
"Since when did you know [Yuuhei Ishihara] was a girl?"
"Mh, my suspicion that [Yuuhei Ishihara] might be a girl became strong the time when we entered the girl's bathroom together."
"......so [Riko Asami] entered the girl's bathroom with my body, right?"
"Why do you need to ask such a matter of course?"
She said amazedly. ...Um, shouldn't I be the one to be amazed at you?
"I grasped her true identity during the research I did thereafter. Most of Miyazawa's prior classmates during his middle school time knew of his blood relationship with Asami. I then discovered the corpses at her home and became confident that Riko Asami is the 'owner'."
Maria saw those corpses, too...
She ended removing my handcuffs and let out a sigh.
"But only where is she...?"
Maria told me that she had been searching for Asami-san after discovering on her own that Asami-san's the 'owner', but she found neither hide nor hair of her.
Maria crouched down, looked for something under the bed and tore something off.
"What are you doing?"
"I installed a IC-Recorder under the bed. I thought that Miyazawa or someone might call her and leak something we don't know yet."
Maria pressed the play button of recorder. She searched for a place [Riko Asami] speaks by pressing repeatedly on the 'fast forward' button.
«......hello?»
This voice resounded.
"...she made a phone call!"
"Yeah."
The voice of the other party was almost unbearable. But it was probably the voice of a girl. At the very least, it wasn't Miyazawa-kun.
I tried checking up the history of my mobile phone on the table. She cleared the received and dialed calls history as it seems, I didn't find any new entries.
It seems as if they were having a quarrel.
Maria connected the recorder to her notebook, downloaded the sound file and started listening to it with headphones. I guess she does so to hear out all details.
Maria frowned so hard it was almost scary.
After a while, she held the headphones out to me. I nodded and put them on.
«Hello? ...Who is it?»
«Riko Asami.»
I doubted my ears.
I listened to it for a while, but started having doubts. This is Asami-san? But she doesn't speak like the Asami-san I know. Asami-san doesn't usually speak so calmly and subduedly. The personality of the Riko Asami I know is the same as the one of [Yuuhei Ishihara] --- no, [Riko Asami].
But which reminds me, Asami-san acted strange since April 30th. Right, she seemed somehow dismal. So her odd attitude wasn't necessarily because Maria made me a boxed lunch. Come to think of it, the 'Sevennight in Mud' had already started at that time.
Asami-san acted her former self. ---Why?
«Don't think about getting saved alone! Okay, [Riko Asami]-san?»
I perked my ears up to the rest of their conversation.
May 04 (Monday) 11:02
I recalled my phone conversation with Riko Asami.«Don't think about getting saved alone! Okay, [Riko Asami]-san?»
I flinched a moment from her ill-will, but pulled myself together and objected.
"...And how do you plan to take the 'box' out? Do you know how to, or what?"
«I don't know. But I'm still able to destroy it.»
I lost my tongue when I heard how she said this plainly.
«I want to escape. I also want to erase you because I hate you. I'm able to do both at the same time. You know what I mean, don't you? For this method I just need---»
Riko Asami spoke, still with her hardly understandable voice.
«---to commit suicide before the 'box' is completed.»
I had already heard those words before.
Aah, I see. Those are the same words as I had once sent to Kazuki Hoshino.
«Don't tell me you really thought you could take over Kazuki Hoshino's body? I'm so sorry, but that's impossible! It's impossible that you could ever win against someone, that you could ever attain happiness! After all you are me. Riko Asami. You should know your place. You should die. Someone like you should definitely die.»
Like Riko Asami had done in the past, she cursed with a small voice that was almost unhearable.
«You ought to die by hanging that would cause you intestinal voiding so everyone would need to hold their nose because of you. You ought to die by jumping off a roof so you would bother the passers-by with your brain that scatters about. You ought to die by jumping in front of a train, annoying the passengers by splashing all your innards over the platform... that would suit you. Tell me, what you think?»
Riko Asami asked me.
«Which manner of death would you like for Riko Asami?»
She asked me for her own way to die.
I see. When the 'owner', Riko Asami, dies, I will inevitably vanish.
I am completely driven into a corner right now.
"......Stop it!"
I conveyed my great nervousness with those short words, which caused Riko Asami to rejoice.
«What should I stop? To kill myself? Why? Didn't you try to kill me?»
"T-That was because... I hadn't noticed that I would vanish if you died."
«Hihaha, don't be silly! Did you think you haven't vanished yet? Brilliant. This is just too brilliant. ...did you perhaps seriously think you could become Kazuki Hoshino?»
"I can! If you don't hinder me, I can become Kazuki Hoshino! And then I will steal his happiness!"
«Aha. Doesn't matter, though. After all I'll commit suicide anyway.»
"Didn't I tell you to stop it!?"
«Why should I listen to you? I'm your enemy, you know?»
"Enemy?"
«Yes, enemy. You should know that your self, especially your former self, is your enemy.»
"Stop kidding me! Though I could become Kazuki Hoshino if it wasn't for you, why are you like this?! Horrible! You really are horrible!"
Having heard those words, Riko Asami started to giggle joyfully at the other side of the phone.
"What's so funny?!"
«'Horrible', huh!»
Riko Asami spoke while giggling.
«Don't overdo the self-loathing, okay?»
This was my conversation with Riko Asami.
"Uh, ghu---"
I held my chest to the welling-up nausea.
Gross. Why, why... Why did I have to talk with Riko Asami...? Ryuu Miyazawa told me he had killed her, so did he lie to me?
"......I'll get killed."
This was no threat. I know that because I know Riko Asami better than anyone. She, who hates herself more than anyone else, would never accept the completion of this 'box'.
Probably she will crush the 'box' at the night of May 05th.
Because she wants to wear me out by making me wait down to the last moment.
To avert this, we had to kill Riko Asami. ...But even if Ryuu Miyazawa had killed her, I would have vanished because the destruction of the 'box'.
So what? Does this mean I'm destined to vanish, no matter how hard I try?
"......What should---"
I'm cornered. I'm caught by Maria Otonashi, cannot make contact with Ryuu Miyazawa and am about to get erased by Riko Asami.
Why did it turn out like this...! The time progress was originally only to corner Kazuki Hoshino!
"What should I do---"
......Wait a moment. I recalled my own murmur. What did I just say?
I?
[TL Note: She got, as mentioned above, used to calling herself "Boku". But now Riko just called herself "Atashi" which is used mainly by women.]
Didn't I stop calling myself like this when I got into this body? Didn't I stop using it naturally?
Don't tell me I started being self-aware?
Self-aware of being «Riko Asami»?
No, nononononono! I am not «Riko Asami»! I am no one, a fabrication, that will eventually become Kazuki Hoshino-----
"To think you could escape from your own deed just by this; I find this childish side of you terribly adorable."
What is this voice?
A terribly charming voice, I had already heard once, entered my body.
No. That's not true. I can --- escape from Riko Asami.
And still,
"Ah, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH"
A giant amount of memories came to mind at once. Memories that should have been forgotten when I entered this body came to mind. Though I can't process such an amount all at once, they came to mind unavoidably.
What I saw was the scene of the first time Yuuhei Ishihara used violence against Riko Asami.
The 13-aged Riko Asami was bawling, frightened of this brute who had a deep red face.
Aah, yes. It was like this at the beginning. His first act of violence was scolding Riko Asami's temper. The 13-aged Riko Asami hated him because he wasn't her real father, considered him an enemy and expressed her ill will. Yuuhei Ishihara couldn't bear this up in the end, and thus made a move in violence.
This was the trigger to an everyday life of violence. Well, which may be plausible because that undesired problem child became silent and obedient when using violence. So violence against Riko Asami became an effective and pleasant method for that brute.
It was equally pleasant for the mother who was greatly embarrassed by Riko Asami's temper. Riko Asami had been trying to destroy this family, and thus had been riotous. This was a problem that had bothered this old bat all the time.
Morals change depending on the environment. Riko Asami's opposition against the violence and the family started to disappear slowly. Everyone, including Riko Asami herself, stopped questioning this violence.
They stopped questioning the violence, but this didn't change the fact that Riko Asami's heart continued being torn up.
Riko Asami heard the sound of her heart being torn up countless times. This was not a powerful sound, but a modest one as if someone threw a little stone into a pond. At first she only thought "Aah, it tore up again" when she had heard this sound, but after a while she noticed that she lacked something important.
This man's violence, that was inferior to a real brute's one, would certainly not be of interest for outsiders, being common. It would be expressed with "ill-treatment" or some other simple word. This single word would probably give one the feeling of comprehension.
Therefore, Riko Asami did not name this violence.
The gaps of Riko Asami's lacking heart were closed by violence. Which meant that Riko Asami would accept this violence when she started to like herself.
Hence, Riko Asami doesn't admit her own existence.
The next thing I saw was the scene of the entrance ceremony of the high school.
She, who stood at the platform as top student---Maria Otonashi.
Riko Asami saw her and drowned. Just by looking at Maria Otonashi and hearing her voice, Riko Asami became unable to breathe and crouched painfully down.
This is a thing.
The ultimate tool.
She seemed like the lifework of a craftsman. She had just this much directivity and intentionality, she looked almost artistic. She was this kind of absurd being.
Riko Asami had started to cry without noticing.
This is it. This is what she needed to escape from herself. She needed to make a perfect fake self, as Maria Otonashi had done.
Riko Asami started to cut her self loose. She threw her gloomy self away and created a neutral and strong self. But she didn't do as well as Maria Otonashi. The more Riko Asami came to know her, the more she realized that it would not be possible to imitate her. Maria Otonashi was able to create a perfect self because she's out of standard. No one else would ever be able to imitate this.
Maria Otonashi is definitely---not human.
At last I saw the scene of «April 28th».
The day Riko Asami obtained the 'box'.
Riko Asami was holding a worn-out plush bunny in her hands. Blood was splashed on this plush toy that was once won by her brother at a crane game and it was lacking one ear.
There were two corpses.
The brother was screaming in this puddle of red liquid.
Riko Asami was completely broken by Yuuhei Ishihara.
There was nothing in this house that was not broken.
Everything had ended. Riko Asami's all had been trampled down there, and had been destroyed once and for all.
I was crying.
The illusion disappeared finally, washed away by my tears.
"......something, something like this..."
I must not admit this. I must absolutely not admit being Riko Asami!
--- therefore, I will become Kazuki Hoshino.
I won't forgive [Kazuki Hoshino]. I won't forgive him, who blathers about everyday life being happiness, and all the ones that don't even know that they can only laugh because they're stealing someone other's happiness.
I'll have the last laugh. I'll show it to this [Kazuki Hoshino] who doesn't even try to comprehend my misfortune.
I'll use you. Maria Otonashi doesn't mix me and [Kazuki Hoshino] up anymore. So I cannot deceive her anymore. So I just need to use the original one. I'll threaten [Kazuki Hoshino], make him obey me and deceive her.
He shall call forth his own ruin and fall into despair. He shall become unable to call the everyday life happiness.
I took Kazuki Hoshino's phone and recorded my voice.
"[Kazuki Hoshino], I'll kill your entire family. I'll massacre them brutally. I'll cut them up and kill them so brutally that you won't be able to recognize the corpses anymore. So better do what I say. If you do, I spare them depending on my mood. Absolutely don't let Maria Otonashi hear this message. Okay then, these are my instructions---"
May 04 (Monday) 12:06
«---I'll kill you. And then I'll become Kazuki Hoshino. And then again, don't tell anything to Maria Otonashi!»"...how foolish."
Having heard this voice, Maria murmured so and frowned.
"Being cornered, she completely lost sight of her situation. There's no way I wouldn't listen to this message in such a situation."
Various insults and "Deceive Maria Otonashi and slip out of captivity!" were contained in the voice file.
I wasn't frightened of this threat. No matter how much [Riko Asami] tries to appeal, now that we're working together, it's impossible for her to commit murder with this body.
This attitude of her was just pitiable.
Maria, who had formed her mouth to a straight line, had surely the same impressions.
Maria had examined Riko Asami's circumstances yesterday and the day before yesterday. What she found out was, while being rumors, awfully cruel.
Furthermore---those corpses, which are a mistake that cannot be undone, do exist in actual fact.
As long she doesn't complete the 'Sevennight in Mud', a future with no hope is awaiting her.
That's why «Asami-san» cannot bear it anymore.
"......Oh?"
"Why are you suddenly making a dumb sound?"
"No, I was just confused a little. Uum, Asami-san and [Riko Asami] spoke together, which means both of them exist separately, right? ...is this even possible?"
"This just means that Asami had more or less common-sense. She was trying to take you over, but could not fully believe in slipping into other people. That's how it came to be like this."
"...So, the «Asami-san» that's the 'owner' is the real one...?"
"It's not about real and fake. But «Asami» continued to suffer without change when [Riko Asami] was brought forth by the 'Sevennight in Mud'."
«Asami-san» could not escape even after obtaining the 'Sevennight in Mud'. Being left behind, she's planning to commit suicide---taking [Riko Asami] with her.
"We absolutely must prevent her suicide. That's another reason to find Asami. But where on earth is she? ...Damn it, but there's only one day left!"
Maria was obviously nervous.
It's Maria who puts everyone else first. Asami-san dies and the 'Sevennight in Mud' ends---she cannot allow such an outcome.
"......Maria, how about using this threat?"
Hearing my words, Maria frowned and looked at me.
"What do you mean?"
"...ah well, it just came to mind. I was thinking that things might move when we responded to the threat purposely and let [Riko Asami] act..."
"Sure enough, things might stand still like this."
Maria crossed her arms and pondered.
"Let's assume we responded to the threat and let [Riko Asami] free. Then... right, I suppose she would visit Ryuu Miyazawa."
"Yeah, I think so, too."
"--Wait. Maybe Miyazawa knows Asami's whereabouts anyway?"
"...I don't think so. If he knew, he would never support completing the 'Sevennight in Mud'."
"You have a point... but then again, he told us that we will never find Asami. So this statement would lose its basis. ...Does Miyazawa misunderstand anything...?"
Maria frowned and pondered for a while.
"...It doesn't help to think about it. For now, let's just assume that Miyazawa doesn't know Asami's present condition."
I nodded.
"But is there any meaning in letting [Riko Asami] act on her own? We don't need [Riko Asami] but the Asami who's the 'owner', you know?"
"...err, I think there is meaning. Guessing from what we heard through the IC recorder, I think [Riko Asami] knows how to come into contact with «Asami-san»."
"Cooperate with [Riko Asami] and let her come into contact, huh? That's impossible. It's hardly thinkable that a girl who makes such a threat would live up to your expectations."
...That's certainly true.
"Or do you plan to break her heart, make her surrender and make her obey you forcefully?"
Maria laughed faintly and said so jokingly
I answered to this joke.
"Good idea."
Her expression stiffened up.
But I was equally surprised by my own cold words.
But apart from my surprise I had hit upon a method. Being in a similar situation as [Riko Asami], I hit upon a method to break her heart and make her obey us.
If we let [Riko Asami] go, she will contact Miyazawa-kun. To her, Miyazawa-kun is like Maria to me.
Therefore---
"We just need to make Ryuu Miyazawa betray [Riko Asami]."
While saying so, I thought: Can I really do it?
Involving Miyazawa-kun, making [Riko Asami] fall into despair and destroying the 'Sevennight in Mud'. Which means that Asami-san is going to return to herself who caused an outcome that cannot be averted anymore. I don't think there is happiness in the future that would await her there. What I'm about to do means sacrificing Asami-san.
...Let's stop pretending to be a good person by acting as if I was indecisive.
In fact I have already decided long ago. I decided at the time when I announced «I don't permit your existence.» to her, when I started perceiving her as enemy.
'I will defeat [Riko Asami]'. 'I won't admit her'.
Maria was looking at me, who had gained determination, with mixed feelings.
"I------"
"......Can you not support me?"
"That's... not it. I know it can't be helped because you would disappear the other way. However, even so I cannot accept the inevitable misfortune that awaits Asami."
She said so and bit on her lips.
"Because you can't permit other's misfortune..."
"...That's not all. If it was just this, I might still be able to endure it. But you know? I noticed."
She said while looking to the ground.
"I noticed that [Riko Asami] and [Aya Otonashi] are the same."
"...the same?"
"......"
Maria didn't respond to my parrot-like question.
But I understood thanks to her silence.
Maria, who is trying to be a 'box' is still [Aya Otonashi], and [Riko Asami], who came forth due to the 'box', are similar in the aspect that both of them are separated from their original self.
Maria, who says that she's in the same environment, knows Asami-san's feelings all too well.
I don't know what's best to do. I can only state what I understand to the silent Maria.
"But Asami-san doesn't wish for it."
I continued.
"She doesn't wish for herself to disappear!"
"......Yeah, I know."
Maria murmured so and raised her head.
But even so, we cannot change Asami-san's future.
May 04 (Monday) 12:35
I stood in front of Miyazawa-kun's room and took a deep breath.Maria had already slipped into the room next to this one. She had confirmed that this next room was unoccupied last time.
I breathed out and rang the chime to Miyazawa-kun's room.
There was no reaction. As expected, though.
But I was sure.
That Miyazawa-kun is in there.
"Come out."
I knocked the door.
"Come out, please come out---"
What I'm going to do will hurt him terribly. I was aware of this fact, but did continue nonetheless.
"Please come out---Nii-san"
I addressed Miyazawa-kun like Riko Asami had done via phone.
"Save me, Nii-san!"
Miyazawa-kun was probably planning to spend the time until May 06th secluded in his room without contacting [Riko Asami].
But I'm sure he can't ignore [Riko Asami] when she seeks for help directly.
Thus, the door opened.
Miyazawa-kun looked even worse than yesterday.
"......Is Otonashi nearby?"
"No."
"...What did you do until now?"
"I was caught by Maria Otonashi... But I was able to deceive [Kazuki Hoshino] and slip out from there! However, why did you not answer my phone, Nii-san?"
"---Well... ...Anyway! Why do you call me 'Nii-san'? Haven't you stopped that?"
"Err..."
Asami-san called him «Nii-san» in that phone call, so did she change it?
I suppressed the emerging nervousness and countered quickly with a random explanation that came to mind.
"I thought it may be weird to not call you «Nii-san» though Maria Otonashi is calling me «Riko Asami» by now... Leaving that aside, why did I get caught, Nii-san? What should I do now?"
I asked him a question before he could doubt my explanation. Miyazawa-kun kept silent to this question and bit on his lips.
His expression brought me conviction. Miyazawa-kun is believing that I'm [Riko Asami].
"Will you save me, Nii-san?"
Of course I didn't want to see Miyazawa-kun so bitterly.
I want him to say that he won't save [Riko Asami] anymore. I want him to say that he will help us. That way I won't have to torment him anymore.
"Yeah, I will save you!"
Yet, Miyazawa-kun showed me a stiff smile and said so.
I went on to the next step.
"Save? Could you please stop that?"
Not able to grasp the situation, he opened his eyes wide to those words.
"......Huh?"
"I'm telling you to stop saving [Riko Asami]!"
He did, however, still not grasp the situation and stood completely still.
Thus, I cleared things up to him.
"I am [Kazuki Hoshino]."
"Hoshino...?"
He murmured. He stayed dumbfounded for a while, but at last he noticed that [Kazuki Hoshino] was imitating [Riko Asami] and seized me by the collar with wild anger flashing in his eyes.
"What are you up to, you bastard?! Is it fun to tease me?! Do you know just how repugnant you're acting, HUH?!"
"I know..."
"So what is this?! Try explaining yourself!"
I started wavering when I was about to open my mouth. Because the words I was going to say would easily hurt him.
"Miyazawa-kun, it's just that you try to help [Riko Asami] reflexively when she seeks for help. Maria told you, didn't she? You haven't chosen anything."
The sharpness remained in his eyes, but his grip on my collar weakened slightly.
"......Didn't I tell you? I'm just saving my sister."
"You were about to save her again right now after all. But it wasn't your sister, but me who sought for help, you know?"
Hearing those words, Miyazawa-kun opened his eyes wide.
"Tell me, Miyazawa-kun. Is a mysterious being you can't even distinguish from me really so important?"
I'm sure he wants to counter my ill will. But unable to object, he just kept biting on his lips so much that they turned white.
"Feel free to save your sister. I can't do anything about that! But you know? [Riko Asami] is not your sister. Come on, Miyazawa-kun, tell me once again:"
I posed my question.
"Who will you save?"
Miyazawa-kun scowled at me.
I scowled back at him.
"......Damn it!!"
Miyazawa-kun roared and let go of my collar furiously.
He raised his fist to take his anger out on the wall... stopped this, however, and slumped down.
"......Just do what you want."
He said with his gaze to the ground.
"Just do what you want! If you want to stop the 'Sevennight in Mud', do it away from me. Don't bother me anymore. I won't interfere anymore."
"I'm afraid to say---that's not enough."
Miyazawa-kun looked up to me.
"...What is not enough?!"
"It's literally as I said. This much determination, this much resolution is not enough. You will have to actively destroy the 'Sevennight in Mud' for us."
He screwed up his face in anger.
"You bastard---are you aware of what you're saying?! You seriously want me to help you torment her?!"
"I guess so."
"Don't shit me!! There's no way I could do that! I won't interfere... you should know that this is my limit!"
"Well, yeah, I know. After all, you were about to help her a few moments ago, right?"
"......"
"That's why I'm saying that it's not enough. Nothing will change with just this amount of resolution! [She] will still come to you and depend upon you without doubt. And you would eventually hold out your hand again; you'd basically be supporting the 'Sevennight in Mud'!"
Having heard my words, Miyazawa-kun averted his eyes und murmured.
"But... I can't abandon her so easily."
"But you have to make a decision. [Riko Asami] will soon come here."
"......What?"
"[Riko Asami] urged me to escape from Maria by threatening me. I decided to act as if I obeyed her demand. [She] will definitely come to you when she thinks that I complied to her demand."
".....The next switch occurs at 13:00, huh."
"Yes. Until then you have to decide how you treat her. If you save [Riko Asami] and the 'box' completes, only [Riko Asami], who is nobody at all, will remain. If you reject her, we will recover Riko Asami."
"You want me to believe you? Haha... this is quite a stupid trade."
"So you don't mind the former outcome?"
Miyazawa-kun clenched his fist to my words.
"...of course I do! I'm aware of it all even without you! But rejecting her... that's just impossible, isn't it...?"
He may say so, but he is still not able to decide.
This is troublesome. Miyazawa-kun must reject [Riko Asami]. He must make her fall into despair. Therefore, I went on to the last step.
"I was always wondering. Why do you, Miyazawa-kun, believe in the existence of the 'Sevennight in Mud'? I mean, isn't it quite unbelievable for someone who has never obtained a 'box' that [Riko Asami] is inside me?"
He raised his head and peeked at my face.
"Teach me! How could you believe such a unrealistic matter?"
"......what do you want to imply?"
"Can you not come up with the reason? Okay, I'll tell you! I can only think of one reason to believe the existence of the 'box'. Tell me, Miyazawa-kun, you have---"
I asked him a certain question I kept quiet about to Maria.
"---met '0', haven't you?"
Miyazawa-kun's expression stiffened extremely up.
"I don't know how you have met him. But I know that '0' wanted you to help [Riko Asami]."
"------"
His face turned paler and paler in his mute amazement.
I guess he didn't understand right away who I meant with '0'. '0' can originally not be perceived by anyone but the 'owner'. I was only able to perceive him when I was told his name.
And then remembered what he had done to me.
"---Ah"
Miyazawa-kun held his head with still wide opened eyes.
"I know what you feel since I know '0'. It's not like you forgot him. You just can't remember. Therefore, you may not be able to remember what he has told you, but it has entered in your subconsciousness. That's why you were able to believe the 'box'. And he made you think that you must help [Riko Asami]."
"......W-Wait a moment. Why... Why do you know about this anyway, Hoshino?!"
He raised his head with a trembling voice, unable to hide his fear from me.
"As I said: I don't! But I know that '0' won't achieve his aim when you don't help [Riko Asami]."
"His aim...? What on earth is his aim...?"
"His aim is to observe me. ...Well, you can't understand probably, but it's the truth. But this 'box', while being interesting to observe, is very frail. [Riko Asami] is just too much at a disadvantage. Retaining oneself in the body of someone else is painful without doubt. She wouldn't be able to oppose me as long she doesn't have at least information about what's happening when it's not her turn. He had to arrange things to allow us to fight, or else this 'box' would just be destroyed without any enjoyment for him. Hence, '0' used you to achieve a balance."
Having heard those words, Miyazawa-kun lowered his head slowly. Then he stopped any movement.
"...That's all I can tell you!"
This is the last spell that shackling him. A spell implanted to him unknowingly that made him protect the 'box'. Now that I clarified things to him, this spell should be resolved.
"Okay, I'm off then. It's almost 13:00. I leave it to you to decide how you treat [Riko Asami] when she comes to meet you. Since [I] won't be there then, I can't stop you."
"......I will save her. Did you not hear me?"
I didn't reply. Because I realized that he just didn't want to admit his defeat.
I closed the door without confirming his expression.
"......"
I walked towards the stairs. I immediately heard someone rushing to me from the next room. But I did not turn around.
"Kazuki... why didn't you tell me that '0' had been interfering!"
It's not like I didn't tell her. It occurred to me right before we arrived here. There was no time to tell her.
"Why do you not answe--- Kazuki???"
But this anger of her was pleasant to me. I laid my head on Maria's shoulder.
I am the enemy of [Riko Asami]. Thus I have to make [Riko Asami] surrender, even if this means to use Miyazawa-kun.
I have no other choice. I must do so. But still---
"Distressing someone is quite... distressing."
I whispered such a thing, unable to raise my head.
But I chose to regain my everyday life.
I was about to sacrifice someone for my own sake. That's why I longed for someone to blame me. To scold me with "You're repulsive!".
However, Maria kept silent for some reason.
Even worse, she stroked my hair gently.
"......"
I wonder why?
Why was this so pleasant, despite being the exact opposite of what I was wishing her to do?
May 04 (Monday) 13:00
There was no fragrance of peppermint. AtashiI was holding a weekly manga magazine in my hands as I had once done before. I was able to slip out of Maria Otonashi's room."Haha!"
I succeeded! My threat succeeded!
This feeling of being cornered vanished into thin air. Everything's all right. I can still fight now. First I have to meet Ryuu Miyazawa.
I left the shop and made sure of my whereabouts. I know this main street. Ryuu Miyazawa's apartment should be nearby.
I went to his apartment and rang the chime.
Ryuu Miyazawa opened instantly.
His face was pale. The rings under his glasses turned even darker. And he did not speak anything. He was just looking silently at me.
"...hey, what happened?"
"......Nothing."
His denial showed me, however, that something had definitely happened.
"Did Maria Otonashi do anything to you?"
"No... she didn't do anything."
His answer had no intonation whatsoever and hence sounded almost mechanical. Something was obviously wrong. Well, he seemed strange already before, but this strangeness went a step further.
"Won't you enter for now?"
He urged me plainly. I did as he said while being a bit suspicious of him.
"...What's that?"
I noticed right after entering that his windows was broken.
"Aah, Otonashi broke it."
Nii-san answered dispiritedly. Maria Otonashi must have done something to him. It can't be explained in any other way.
"...did our strategy fail yesterday?"
"Yeah."
Again a half-hearted reply. ...Honestly, what's wrong?
"Why did you not answer Atashimy phone?"
"...«Atashi», huh."
"Hah?"
"Didn't you use to call yourself «Boku»?"
[TL Note: Again the matter of Boku/Atashi. See above for details.]
...Right, I have to fix that again.
"...Just a little mistake. BokuI am no one after all."
"......It's after 13:00, huh."
He said so while looking into the distance.
"Well yeah, but why so out of the blue...?"
"You stole this time frame at the third day. Therefore it's you with no doubt. That's why I can be sure. But if it was 14:00... I would probably assume that Hoshino is trying again to deceive me and wouldn't notice that it's you. Unlike Maria Otonashi, I cannot distinguish you guys by your usage of your facial muscles, you know."
"......You've lost me there."
"Tell me, how do you call me?"
"Hah? «Ryuu Miyazawa» of course, haven't I been calling you like this all the time?"
"Yeah, I guess so. Right."
"Stop that weird talk and better tell me what happened yesterday!"
"Okay."
After he nodded, Ryuu Miyazawa sat down on his seat and stared into the black monitor.
"I executed our strategy. As you can see, it proved to be a failure."
I expected him to continue, so I waited for him while he was just staring into the monitor without movement. However, he did not talk.
"Eh? That's all...?"
"I don't know any more! Our strategy failed and Kazuki Hoshino was taken back by Maria Otonashi. I don't know anything about what happened thereafter. I have no idea what happened between them!"
"......What? That doesn't help me a bit."
"Well, I guess it doesn't."
Ryuu Miyazawa said so coldly, still without looking at me.
"......Are you planning to abandon me?"
He did, however, still not look at me.
I see. That's what he's up to. He will again just cover his ears and ignore everything.
"You regret it, don't you?"
Finally he looked up to me when he heard those words.
"You regret that you noticed Riko Asami's misfortune when you rushed to her because of her beg for help --- and that she involved you in this matter, right? Exactly! If you remained untold, you would have been able to live carelessly, just lamenting your own misfortune. If you didn't answer Riko Asami's phone that time---"
"I don't regret that!"
He intercepted me.
"I only regret that I didn't notice earlier. If I did, I would have been able to avert all this. Therefore, this incident is from the origin to the outcome all my fault. I don't want to make such a mistake anymore!"
He finally turned his head to me.
"That's why I decided to continue helping Riko out. No matter what, this decision won't change."
"......Nii-san"
My chest warmed up.
Nii-san is saying this in all honesty.
"Thank you, Nii-san... Continue to help me out!"
"'Nii-san', huh."
Nii-san nodded slightly.
"Hey... let me confirm your goal."
"Why so late? ---Well, I don't mind! My goal is to obtain Kazuki Hoshino. To make [Kazuki Hoshino] surrender for this sake. To torment Kazuki Hoshino so much to make him scratch his own neck sore, to make him succumb so heavily that he submits his own body with the words 'Please be my master' while genuflecting."
"...I see, so that's it without doubt?"
"Of course. Haven't I told you several times?"
Nii-san murmured a few times "You did, you did," lowered his gaze and stopped talking. This seemed weird to me, so I peeked into his face.
"------Eh?"
He was crying. Nii-san was crying.
"N-Ni-san, why are you crying?"
As it seems he didn't notice until I told him; Nii-san confirmed that he was crying by touching his cheeks, surprised, and wiped his tears roughly away with his arm.
How long has it been since I've last seen Nii-san's tears? Last time was probably when we noticed the deception of our parents. Nii-san stopped crying entirely after that. To be able to continue fighting against an invisible something inside him, he stopped showing any weakness to others.
This person was crying.
"......I will save her."
He murmured.
"I made this decision. I decided to help my sister out. My weak Riko. I decided to help her out at least this time, because I had failed to support her when I was busy with my own issues. I decided. To save her. To save her, save her, save her, save her, save her, save her. I did decide this, but ---"
He raised his head and looked at me.
"------Who are you?"
My breath stopped.
"Riko is the one I decided to save. But --- who are you? Tell me, who on earth are you!?"
"...W-What are you saying, Nii-san? I am---"
"No one. You said so yourself a few minutes ago, didn't you?"
...I did. I said so indeed.
"Exactly. You can't be Riko. If you were Riko, why would you look like Kazuki Hoshino? But you aren't Kazuki Hoshino either. So who are you? Tell me... why should I help out a completely unknown guy? I don't give a fuck about you!!"
This is wrong.
I knew that these could not be Nii-san's true feelings.
"For me you're just a fake of my sister, who I cannot distinguish from [Kazuki Hoshino]!"
Those words were only for the sake of hurting me.
And for the sake of hurting himself.
"N-Nii-san---"
"Stop that!"
Nii-san said in order to suppress his heart.
"Don't call me 'Nii-san', you damn stranger!!"
Like that he crushed his heart and---
"Aah---"
--- Atashimine, too.
Nii-san won't save me. Because I'm not Nii-san's sister. Yeah, that's right. I am not Riko Asami. So who am I? Kazuki Hoshino? No. Not yet. Wait a sec... in the first place, did I really wish to become Kazuki Hoshino anyway?
"Aah---"
What is it that I really wanted?
Actually, I might have known that since I obtained the 'box'.
I recalled the time before my parents divorced.
I thought we were a quite happy family. At holidays, we often went to the shopping street, watched movies or went to shabu-shabu all-you-can-eat restaurants. We were this kind of family. My father visited my room always at first when he came home from work, whereupon I used to urge him unsuccessfully to knock before entering. My mother made always refined and cute boxed lunches for me. I quarreled all the time with Nii-san, but even so, we always played together.
I thought that were all on good terms on the whole. I never doubted that we could always be together like other families.
But this was all a lie.
Our household didn't crumble down. It had been a lie from the start.
I remember that Nii-san once said this to me when they told us about the divorce:
«That's great. So we finally needn't act like a happy family anymore. And I'm released from these feelings of guilt.»
I couldn't grasp the meanings of those words right away. But after a while I understood. I mean, why did my parents look like they were on good terms though they would be going to divorce now? Why did they smile awkwardly after treating me kindly?
It was all just pretence to deceive me and make me think we were a happy family. But not even for my sake---they just did it to soothe their own feelings of guilt.
That's why I thought that «happiness» can only be attained by stealing it from others.
But is it really something you can steal?
So, what did I want to do? I don't know. I have no idea. No clue. I don't want to know. I don't have the 'box' anymore, after all.
But for now I ought to escape. I must escape.
I ought to slip out of this room quickly. I just have to slip out of here. Then I can still escape.
I tried escaping quickly, but stumbled. Standing up seemed somehow like a waste of time to me, so I headed towards the door almost crawling.
For some reason, slender, beautiful legs, like from a model, appeared in front of my eyes.
I looked up.
"W-Why---"
The person standing there was---Maria Otonashi.
Such timing... don't tell me...?! I turned around and looked at Nii-san. He was holding his head in his arms and secluded himself from everything around him. Nii-san knew that Maria Otonashi was right nearby. He had already decided to abandon me. Knowing that I would come, he had already decided from the start to hand me over to Maria Otonashi.
"---It's unreasonable anyway."
She said in an intonationless voice.
"One can't possibly throw oneself away. Even if you did, your self would come chasing after you. You knew this since the beginning. That's why you cannot throw yourself away even if you have the 'box'. What you can achieve with your 'wish' in the 'box' doesn't go further than this. You cannot gain anything in the 'Sevennight in Mud'. You are just slowly sinking into the mud."
She, whom I adored, said this to me, who was unable to be like her.
So what about you? Can you, too, gain nothing because you have thrown yourself away?
I looked up at her face. Her glance seemed sorrowful to me somehow.
I have to escape. But where to? This room isn't my refuge and Maria Otonashi is blocking the way in front of me. I'm still just crawling on the floor and can't do anything. I can't go anywhere.
I, can't go, anywhere.
"Let me ask you a question. I asked this already once ago, but answer me once more. Tell me ---"
She posed her question.
"---Who are you?"
I'm---
"Who am I...?"
I'm the one who wants to know that.
She took her mobile phone out for some reason and held it to me, who was sitting on the ground.
«Let me tell you who you are.»
It was the voice of [him], who does not doubt his identity, no matter how hard I rattle at his existence.
[Kazuki Hoshino] answered my question.
«You are nobody at all; You're just an enemy who only exists to be defeated by me.»
"No......"
I am not such a being.
I don't live for your sake! As if I'd accept such an absurdity!
"---I am Riko Asami!!"
I admitted it, but then I realized that I just made a big mistake.
I mean, I cannot possibly become Kazuki Hoshino anymore, now that I admitted being Riko Asami. I cannot make myself think so anymore. My retreat was cut off with this.
The moment I realized that---
"Aa, aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"
The 'box' started suddenly to swell up. It rushed through my veins like a bullet and hurts my whole body, it hurts, aah, I can't endure it! Stop it, it hurts, stop it, someone save me! I want to take it out! But I cannot take it out, I can't, I can't. The 'box' doesn't exist in this body! But then why does it hurt? Stop it, stop it stop it!!
"I got it... I got it already, so stop it..."
It's because I understood that I cannot be anyone but myself.
I made a mistake. I mistook the 'wish' to seek from the 'box'. I don't need such a body. That doesn't make any sense. I... I only ---
"I only wanted to attain happiness!"
But this is not possible anymore.
Happiness doesn't await me anymore, since I have stepped on a way stained in blood.
I clung to the girl who succeeded in becoming another self, who called herself a 'box'.
I won't mistake it anymore. I won't mistake it anymore, so please!
"Save me!"
May 04 (Monday) 14:00
Strangely enough, I noticed immediately that it was because of tears that my field of vision was blurry.I wiped off those tears, and saw Maria standing in front of me, suppressing her feelings.
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