Sunday 19 February 2012

Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 Author's Notes

Good day, I'm Eiji Mikage.
I'm very sorry for the long wait since the first book. I actually wanted to get the continuation out as soon as possible since it wasn't clear whether the story would continue from the contents of the first one... Honestly, I don't even know the reason for this long delay myself.

Well then, «Eiji Mikage» is naturally a penname. I'm asked about the origin of this penname from time to time, but since there's no real reason to it, I have always had troubles answering this question.
But even if there's no reason to it, it has become my penname.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 May 18

While crumpling up a package of beef tongue flavored Umaibous, I looked around in the classroom. My classmates weren't minding me anymore in particular. They only seem a little nervous because of the midterm tests that start tomorrow.
"Ya, Kazu-kun!"
"Ouch"
Kokone chopped on my head while greeting me.
"......Morning."
"You know, I was actually only strolling. In Shibuya."
"Hah?"

Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 May 5

May 05 (Tuesday) 02:10

I'm dreaming.
I'm dreaming the same dream again.

I toyed with the rabbit plush, missing an ear, in front of the corpses. I plunged my index finger into the torn seam and widened the hole.
I put my fingers into the head and moved them around. The shape of the rabbit's head changed. The touch of cotton feels good. Back and forth, up and down. The eyeball came unstuck. Cotton fell out of its torn face.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 May 4

May 04 (Monday) 07:49

I noticed that I had been restrained by hand- and footcuffs and was lying on a futon on the ground. But I couldn't think properly yet, still dazed.
I was inside anguish I didn't know whether it's reality or dream.
The feeling was like that of sinking into a bottomless swamp.
I struggle and struggle to no avail, sink deeper and deeper, and in the end forget for what sake I struggle. I even become unable to struggle. I just sink deeper into the mud. My body gets filled with mud. I become mud myself. My inside and my outside, both become only mud. Therefore, lose sight of my contours since they're painted out.
I cannot see myself anymore.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 May 3

May 03 (Sunday) 07:12

I woke up. It wasn't the sensation of switching, but the normal sensation of awakening.
I was lying on the ground of Miyazawa's room with cuffs applied to both my hands and feet.
Miyazawa-kun was sitting on the bed. Dark circles were under his eyes. Maybe he hadn't slept properly in the last few days.
When he had noticed that I had awoken, he took out a washcloth and wiped my face. The menthol in the washcloth wiped away my sleepiness.
"I'll instruct you now."
Having finished wiping my face, he said so without greeting me.
"You will restrain Otonashi by handcuffing and footcuffing her and demonstrate your will of betrayal by doing so. You just need to do that. Simple, isn't it?"
"...really?"

Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 May 2

May 02 (Saturday) 00:11

I woke up due to a rumbling sound on the desk.
I got up from the bed, took the mobile phone, which was the origin of that sound, in my hands and looked at the LCD screen.
«Maria Otonashi»
Maria Otonashi? Why does she phone me? She calls me even in this state of affairs, so does this mean that «Kazuki Hoshino» hasn't told her what is happening to him? ...no, I guess he couldn't tell his lover this absurd story about the 'box'. But I think she should notice his change, even when he hasn't told her... whatever.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 May 1

May 1 (Friday) 08:14

Kokone ignored my nonchalant "Good morning".
Though she usually drops in arbitrarily into my conversations, today she was strangely distant and talked to other classmates instead. But despite this, she sneaked peeks at me from time to time, with a slightly scary face.
I don't know what her reason was. I have no idea why she suddenly started acting like this. Since I wasn't in the mood to happily chat with my other friends with this state of things, I tried to appear unapproachable by eating a cheese-flavored Umaibou.
"Did you do anything to Kiri?"

Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 April 30

April 30 (Thursday) 00:00

The second day begins.

April 30 (Thursday) 12:37

Lunch break.
The reason for my yawn just now might be the mysterious call I received at six o'clock this morning.
«I'll make you a boxed lunch today.»
The call had been terminated before I could respond anything.
What's that mean...?
It's the last day of April and thus Golden Week — meaning that our consecutive holidays are soon to come, too. I go to the corridor and wait for Otonashi-san like I always do. We have lunch together in the school cafeteria every day, but she has never made me a boxed lunch before.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 April 29

April 29 (Wednesday) 00:02

The first day begins.

April 29 (Wednesday) 23:57

The first day ends.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 Prologue

I am inside scenery I can only remember in my dreams.
I already know who the person facing me is, but having no 'box', I cannot recall this place deliberately except in my dreams. I don't know when we had this conversation, either.
"Do you remember that I told you that I can see you as an individual even though your kind don't have individualities?"
I don't know. Feels like I have heard about it, but also feels like I haven't.
"Thanks to what happened this time, I am beginning to recognize the reason as to why I can distinguish you. It might be because, while rejecting nothing, you don't accept anything."
This sounds like nothing but a word play to me.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 Author's Notes

Hello, I am Eiji Mikage.
It has been right three years since my previous work. If there have been readers anticipating my new book, I beg for pardon. And also, thanks for not forgetting me.
There was a period in which I came to a halt, but it's not like I gave up writing. The reason that I didn't publish a book in three years is simply because of my own lack of power.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 Epilogue

It is magnificent weather with a deep blue sky.
The first thing I did after waking up was to confirm today's date on my mobile phone. «April 7». Today's «April 7». I also checked in the newspaper and on the TV to confirm that it's really «April 7». Well, of course I know that there's no meaning in such a confirmation. But since the time I was involved in the 'Rejecting Classroom', I can't help but do so. Or else I become very anxious.
The events of the 'Rejecting Classroom' remained in form of knowledge. But I can only recall those memories with a feeling of looking at pictures that were snapped at a place I've never been. The 'box', Maria, '0' - I know what they are. But the corresponding emotions are not there anymore. No anger, no sadness - nothing. So even if I was in love with someone, I would have probably forgotten it by now. Maybe I'm going to gradually forget those memories because they are so faint.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 1st time (2)

"I am Aya Otonashi. Pleased to meet you."
The transfer student says with a faint smile.
Astonished by her looks, the girls start to get noisy while the boys are completely bereft of speech.
Of course I am no exception. I think I've never seen anyone as charming as her before. I couldn't avert my eyes even if I wanted. Our eyes meet. I am instantly captivated by her eyes. The transfer student seems as though she is used to my reaction and smiles softly at me.
It almost makes me dizzy.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27756th time

I have to end the 'Rejecting Classroom' and regain my everyday life.
What would be the worst that could happen to hinder me from attaining that goal?
To come upon a big obstacle? Say, one where I had to traverse a thin thread from one building to another? One where I had to repeat the same day for a million times?

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27755th time (5)

"I will absolutely not leave you alone here!"
Thanks to only those words, I could return to the Kasumi Mogi I once used to be for just a moment.
"I am an idiot."
Didn't I decide already? Didn't I decide at the very beginning that I'd destroy the 'box' before I lose sight of my goal and disgrace myself?
But those countless recurrences weakened my determination more and more until it disappeared in the end.
Once, when I killed a certain someone whose name I don't even remember anymore, I should have lost all ways to return.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 10000th time

"Please stop! Please, don't kill me!"
I will not lend him an ear.
I will kill Haruaki Usui.
After all, he suggested it himself, did he not?

I ****ed Haruaki Usui.
And then I vanished. The person that was once Kasumi Mogi vanished. I guess I won't ever see the 'me' again that was crushed in agony, ground to dust and blown away somewhere. Nevertheless, my body will keep resurrecting. My body will keep resurrecting forever, even though it's empty inside.
I feel something entering my empty body.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 9999th time

He has already told me the way to erase him himself.
"How you can make sure that you definitely don't want to meet a certain person anymore?"
Haruaki's suggested various methods to me. So many methods that I'm sick of hearing them. Eventually, we arrived at the conclusion that feelings of guilt are the best way to make oneself avoid a certain person. Again, just like always.
And, just like always, he also tells me how to create those feelings towards someone.
"Why not just kill him?"

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 9000th time

"Why not just kill him?"
Haruaki-kun jokingly tells me this fact when I consult him in my grave situation.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 8000th time (ch25)

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 8000th time

"Why not just kill him?"
Haruaki-kun jokingly suggests his theory to me.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 7000th time (ch24)

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 7000th time

"Why not just kill him?"
Haruaki-kun jokingly tells me this logical solution.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 6000th time (ch23)

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 6000th time

"Why not just kill him?"
Haruaki-kun jokingly tells me the same solution for the 9th time when I consult him.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 5000th time (ch22)

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 5000th time

"Why not just kill him?"
Haruaki-kun jokingly suggests such bizarre nonsense when I consult him.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 0th time (2) (ch21)

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 0th time (2)

Aah, I'm going to die.
While still living on for an unbelievable time after being blown away by the truck, this thought continued on and on. I can't possibly survive such an impact. I'm going to die. My life ends here.
N-No, I don't want to---
These are the silly words of someone who has never seriously thought about the concept of death, despite having thought about dying several times.
To die. To end. There's nothing ahead. I've realized its dreadfulness, now that I'm about to die.
If this was going to happen anyway, then couldn't it at least have happened before love changed my world!

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27755th time (4)

"---I must kill myself."
I desperately instruct myself. This is the only way. The only way to prevent myself from being possessed again by my fake «self».
I will abandon everything.
This is the only way I can think of to atone for my sins.
I thrust the kitchen knife into the middle

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27755th time (3)

Now that she mentions it, Mogi-san hasn't applied makeup right now. Since I obviously don't have any habits of using makeup, unlike Maria, it was pretty hard for me to notice, though.
But she owns a makeup pouch.
Why?
Maria presumes as follows.
---She got tired of using it.
I can't remember anymore, but I suppose Mogi-san originally cared a lot about her looks. However, she stopped caring because she couldn't find a reason to do so anymore in the 'Rejecting Classroom'. She left the pouch untouched in her bag since

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27755th time (2)

"It may be a bit late, but I noticed that I do not need you."
She tilts her head. Maybe it is too sudden for her.
"Actually, I noticed long ago that you are a hindrance, you know? But I did not want to be cruel. After all, we were «friends», originally."
But, we are not friends anymore.
I guess she still considers me a «friend». Until yesterday, we were so intimate we would listen to each other's love troubles. But now that I have changed, I c

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27755th time

"Come on, isn't there something different about me today? Isn't there?"
Kokone comes asking with her usual face. She's asked me the same question sometime in the past already. What's the right answer again?
"...you've applied mascara."
"Ooh! Thumbs up, Kazu-kun!"
Seems like I was right.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 0th time

I didn't notice that 'Love changes the world' isn't just a metaphor until I was sixteen.

Haven't you thought that life is too long with all those repetitions of habits several times as well? I'm sure the number of times I've thought about dying quite seriously couldn't be expressed using both of my hands, and not even by using my feet as well.
I was horribly bored.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27754th time (2)

I am surely just worn out after the complete breakdown of my relationship with Otonashi-san and the sudden call from Kokone. ...which is only an excuse, though.
I had entirely forgotten.
That an accident would happen at the intersection for certain.
I myself am safe. I reflexively remembered when I came near the intersection due to the immense shock I suffered from dying once. So self-protection is no problem.
But that's not satisfactory at all. After all, that means someone else is going to get run over by this unavoidable accident.
I had forgotten it. And because of that, I was too late to save that person. Even though I knew that someone would get run over, I didn't stop it. 'Because I had forgotten it' doesn't even count as an excuse.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 3087th time

I surely love Umaibôs, but in fact I don’t like the Teriyaki Burger flavored ones so much.
I am at the deserted park in front of her house. We are facing each other in front of the water fountain while I am chewing on the Umaibô I got from her.
“…how is it?”
“……mh, err, it’s not a flavor I don’t like, but well…”
“…I’m not really asking about…the Umaibô.”
I know that much. But, I mean, how should I react?
“…so, will you go out with me?”

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27754th time

My body rapidly became cold and then empty, but although that means I myself should have become empty, I open my eyes as always. Unable to endure that coldness that should have passed already, I embrace myself on the bed and tremble.
I was killed.
On March 2^nd of some loop.
Right, even if I get killed, the ‘Rejecting Classroom’ continues without change. Gaining this awareness, I feel almost as though I’m really becoming empty. The coldness doesn’t seem to fade anytime soon.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27753rd time (2)

*rasp* *rasp* *rasp* *rasp*—
What is this sound, I wonder? It’s an extremely low sound I almost fail to notice if I don’t perk up my ears. But it’s a sound I mustn’t overhear, that is coming from inside me.
*rasp* *rasp* *rasp* *rasp*—
There’s a tiny, little rasp applied to me. Where?—well, the sound comes from within me, so it’s shaving off my inside of course.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 Interlude

I am inside a scene I can’t remember outside of my dreams.
I have accepted the ‘box’ from him.
“Please be at ease! Usually there are risks to such things, but there are none to this. Neither will you lose anything precious, nor will your soul be drained out. You know, it’s not the special characteristic of the tool that adds such negative components, but the nature of the human using it. If you use it correctly, your wish will come true as is.”
If you use it correctly—
But is that condition really that simple to meet? I don’t know. I don’t know, but even if there is such a risk, it’s still an extraordinary condition. Just like a certain win at the lottery. There sure is the possibility to destroy one’s life with the big cash. But usually you don’t consider that risk, right?

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27753rd time

Soccer during P.E.
Because I have gotten a nose bleed, I am sleeping on Mogi-san’s lap.
I suddenly start to wonder about her feelings for letting me sleep on her lap. Could it be that she is trying, even if just for a bit, to attract me?
I don’t have the slightest idea; she is expressionless as ever when I peek at her casually.
“…Mogi-san”
“What is?”
“What are you thinking right now?”

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 5232nd time

“Kasumi Mogi was run over by a truck.”

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 4609th time (ch9)

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 4609th time

“Haruaki was run over by a truck.”

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 2602nd time (ch8)

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 2602nd time

“I’m Aya Otonashi.”

“—ah”
That instant, a red picture flashes through my mind. A picture that has been buried in the depths of my memories, although I have seen it just now.
And as if my brain is being pulled on by a thread connected to it, the recollections of the 2,601^st ‘School Transfer’ are drawn out of it.
I am so astonished of myself that I can’t suppress screaming out.
“Mh? What’s wrong Hoshii? You look painful, are you alright?”

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 2601st time

“I’m Aya Otonashi.”
The transfer student murmurs only these words.

✵

“Oh my god! That’s intense!”
My friend Haruaki Usui, who is sitting next to me, says so in a rather loud voice, although class is still in session, and slaps my back vigorously.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 8946th time

Upon hearing my words Mogi-san ponders for a while, with sorrowful eyes. Then she mutters, looking uncomfortable, the following words:

“Please wait until tomorrow.”

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 10876th time (ch 5)

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 10876th time

It’s «March 2^nd». It’s supposed to be «March 2^nd» today.
Why am I making sure that’s the date?
…It’s probably because the sky’s still cloudy, even though it’s already March. That’s probably it. It’s the weather’s fault that I’m a bit melancholic, since the blue sky has been hiding behind clouds all the time lately.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 13118th time

I look at the transfer student Aya Otonashi, whose name I don’t yet know, standing on the platform.
“Aya Otonashi.”
The transfer student murmurs only this to her classmates in a low voice, as if she doesn’t care whether we can understand her. Nevertheless, her voice is clear.
—Yeah. I already know her name. I have just heard it for the first time, though.
Everyone holds their breath. Not because of her blunt, simple self-introduction

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 1050th time

“Aya Otonashi.”
The transfer student utters, looking completely bored, without even looking at us.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 23rd time (ch2)

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 23rd time

“I’m Aya Otonashi.…Regards.”
The transfer student says, uninterested, emotionlessly.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 1st time (ch1)

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 1st time

“I am Aya Otonashi. Pleased to meet you.”
The transfer student says with a faint smile.

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 Prologue

It’s not like I’ve forgotten it. I probably still remember this place, and I even dream of this scenery, like I'm doing now.
But, I just can’t remember this place outside my dreams.
It’s not like I’ve forgotten. No, I just can’t find any cues to help me retrieve these memories. Nothing could possibly relate to this scene and make me remember. There's simply nothing

Character Introduction

Kazuki Hoshino

A completely ordinary high school student who loves idle chatter with his friends and Umaibôs, a Japanese snack. One day, he is suddenly antagonized by Aya Otonashi — although he has never met her before. She threatens to “break” him.

Story Synopsis

Utsuro no Hako to Zero no Maria, or The Empty Boxes and The Zeroth Maria, tells the sinister story of Kazuki Hoshino, who is almost madly attached to his everyday life, and his antagonist Aya Otonashi, who suddenly transfers into his class—for the 13,118^th time. She majestically announces to “break” him, without paying heed to anyone else around them.
This is but the start of a dark roller coaster ride that turns the two against themselves, the people around them and the one who may be god. Read on as their relationship slowly changes and they go against their most basic values in their struggle against the world itself.

Saturday 18 February 2012

Gekkou:Volume 1 Author's notes

AUTHOR'S NOTES

80% is quite a high probability.
If, for example, you get 80 points in a 100 point test, nobody's going to complain, or if you go outside without an umbrella even though the weather forecast has predicted rain with a probability of 80%, you're just reckless. Now, having said that:
Of ten candidates eight are awarded a prize in the final selection. It's not possible not to start dreaming, is it?

[Moonlight]

It was night. I called her.
— I want to speak to you.
I made an appointment to meet her alone.
Since it was going to take some time, the meeting was set to Saturday after work. She suggested we meet at her home, but I rejected. I had no good memories there.
Hence, she suggested a park on a hill. It was the park where her mother had fallen. I responded right away.

[Bye-Bye]

Every now and then a train crossed the railway bridge. Each time that happened, the white railing I was sitting on started vibrating and an ear-shattering noise filled the tunnel.
I was under a railway overpass at the edge of a residential area close to my school, which I had chosen because there would be no passers-by even during the day, and was waiting for the time.
I didn't want to be interrupted by anyone.

[Hesitation]

To my blank amazement, it was not pity that lay in the gazes of most students, but jealousy of their peers.
As soon as Youko Tsukimori appeared at school after her long absence, everyone strove to be around her. In no time at all, a wall akin to a fortress loomed before her.
"Are you okay, Youko-san? Aren't you tired? Don't hesitate to tell me if there's anything I can help you with, okay?"

[Cigarette Tiger]

When I went to school that morning, fighting with my drowsiness, Tsukimori was nowhere to be seen in the classroom.
Of course there was nobody in the class who hadn't noticed her absence.
Usami had been peeking at me since I walked in, probably eager to question me about Tsukimori.
It wasn't like her to be so hesitant. Perhaps she was still mindful of the fact that she had confessed to me the other day.

[Orange & Wine]

Our classroom at the beginning of the week. Tsukimori greeted me with a warm smile upon seeing me, "Good morning."
After wavering for a few seconds, I quickly replied, "Good morning," and hurried to my desk.
I didn't want to look like a coward, but neither did I feel like arguing with her early on a Monday morning. If possible I wanted to put some distance between us and not see her face for a while. Because looking at her face would remind me of that Friday night that had become a dark memory I wanted to bury as fast as possible.

[Sweet Nightmare]

At the staff room after closing time.
"I would like you to see me home," requested Tsukimori after changing into her school uniform.
"See you home...?" I repeated warily like a parrot.
"You see, I always feel someone's gaze on me on the way from the café to the train station..."
She gave a shiver.

[Bitter Chocolate]

I had to admit it: Youko Tsukimori was indeed a perfect girl.
It was naturally me who was assigned to mentor her, being in the same class and all. At first I was rather sour about that cumbersome task, but I soon learned that it's quite enjoyable to teach someone who's good at remembering things.

[In The Café]

All of a sudden Tsukimori came to my desk and said, with a smile as warm as sunbeams shining through the leaves of a tree and a voice as soft as a gentle summer breeze:
"Shall we go then, Nonomiya-kun?"
Time stopped in the noisy classroom. At least, my train of thought did.
Everyone suspended what he or she was doing and looked over to us. Usami was the first to regain time.

[Confession]

Two days later, when Yōko Tsukimori came to school again, even students from other classes came in crowds to our classroom to catch a glimpse of her.
One after another they expressed their condolences, showing nothing but expressions of pity.
Kamogawa’s voice could be heard from the human ring that had formed around the center of the room.

[Live]

The first lesson was English, but I don’t remember anything of it. I was pondering the accident of Yōko Tsukimori’s father.
I also played with the thought of browsing some news sites on my mobile phone—hidden from the eyes of the teacher, of course—but I decided against it because I was known as a fairly well-behaving student. I kept telling myself that I was keeping the best for last and spent a painful hour like this.
The very moment the English lesson ended, I rushed out of the classroom, fired up for details about the accident, and headed straight to the library room.

Gekkou:Volume 1 Murder Recipe (chapter 1)

[Murder Recipe]

There was no day I’d miss hearing that name.

“Tsukimori is so lovely…,” muttered my classmate Kamogawa, sighing, upon which the other male students around him nodded deeply.
“Listen guys: don’t let that slender body deceive you! Got me? She’s also got…boobs!”
Their insolent gazes were focused on the girl in debate, Tsukimori, who was surrounded by a group of chattering girls. If I were to describe Yōko Tsukimori in one word: she was eye-catching.

Gekkou

Gekkou, or "Moonlight", is about the peculiar relationship between a cynical boy and a perfect girl.
Said cynical boy is Nonomiya who spends day in day out in boredom, taking refuge from his dull life in his imagination. One fateful day, he happens upon the notebook of the much-rumored beauty Youko Tsukimori, neglected on the ground. Poking out from it is a scrap of paper with the unexpected title "Murder Recipe". His interest ignited, he immediately stuffs it into his pocket, only to find out the promising recipe contains nothing but scenarios that may or may not lead to deadly accidents, not even worthy of being called a plan.
When he tentatively asks her about it the next day, she hasn't lost anything. But then her father dies. An accident...

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