Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 2602nd time
“I’m Aya Otonashi.”“—ah”
That instant, a red picture flashes through my mind. A picture that has been buried in the depths of my memories, although I have seen it just now.
And as if my brain is being pulled on by a thread connected to it, the recollections of the 2,601st ‘School Transfer’ are drawn out of it.
I am so astonished of myself that I can’t suppress screaming out.
“Mh? What’s wrong Hoshii? You look painful, are you alright?”
Haruaki, who is sitting beside me, worries about me.
Haruaki, who is supposed to have been overrun by a truck, smiles at me.
An inevitable unease. Nausea. The information swells up, covering me completely, as if I am its prey and get eaten up by it. My mind can’t keep up with the speed of the information and thus gets strained.
Last time’s memories get connected with the ones of this time.
So lively and clearly—
“But really, Aya-chan is too cute. I’ll confess.”
—because of Haruaki's corpse.
And now he falls for Aya Otonashi at first sight again, although she made him suffer like this.
I look at Otonashi-san. In this moment our eyes meet. She is glaring at me. With a daring grin, she is glaring at me.
…is this corpse supposed to coerce me into handing my ‘box’ over to her?
In that case it is just too effective. Threatening me by showing me a corpse, implying “I’ll kill you”…And by using the corpse of a friend of mine, she also corners me with feelings of guilt. Otonashi-san’s doing all of this arbitrarily. In theory, even I understand that it’s not my fault. But when I see a corpse, this theory gets blown away and my heart gets easily broken.
If I knew how, I would surely present her the ‘box’ right away. But fortunately I don’t know the means.
…fortunately? Really? I mean, if this is an effective attack, Otonashi-san will most certainly continue.
Until my heart breaks.
Otonashi-san descends the platform and approaches me.
Until she is right beside me.
Keeping her glance straight forward instead of looking at me, she murmurs.
“Looks like you remember.”
✵
If it continues like this I’m going to break.
I’m aware that it’s not going to solve anything, but I played dumb and ran away from Otonashi-san.
I somehow have to think of a counter-measure while avoiding her.
That’s why—
“Are these all details now, Kazu?”
—I consulted the most intelligent person I know, Daiya Oomine.
Daiya is leaning against the wall in the corridor and is obviously in a bad temper. Probably because my explanation used up the whole break between the first and second lesson.
“So? What do you want from me by telling me this novel idea?”
I straightforwardly told him everything, including the things I learned from Otonashi-san, without omitting a single part. Still, the matter remained the same. Since I didn’t expect a realist like Daiya to believe my situation, I turned it into the story of a novel.
“I was wondering what the «Protagonist» of this story is supposed to do.”
“If we think about it generally, he’s probably supposed to oppose the «Transfer Student».”
Of course I am the «Protagonist» and Otonashi-san was the «Transfer Student».
Since I adopted it just like this, Daiya notices that the «Transfer Student» is «Aya Otonashi». But he just shows a wry smile with the words “So she was the model”, apparently confident that it is only fiction.
“But…I don’t think the «Protagonist» can rival the «Transfer Student».”
“I guess that’s true at the present point.”
The opponent is this Aya Otonashi. A person that goes as far as to ‘transfer’ 2,602 times and even produces corpses in order to obtain the ‘box’. I don’t think that there’s a chance for me to win.
“But it’s possible for the «Protagonist» to obtain power at a later point that matches the «Transfer Student’s».”
Daiya said carelessly.
“Eh—?”
Of course I consulted Daiya to find a way. But I did so with the expectation of finding a needle in a haystack. Honestly, I didn’t expect he could think of a breakthrough solution for me.
“What’s with this reaction? Well then, tell me, why can’t the «Protagonist» rival the «Transfer Student»?”
“Eh? Well—”
“Aah, no, better don’t answer. You idiot would give me a dull answer anyway and make me irritated.”
…I’m allowed to get angry here, right?
“The difference between the «Protagonist» and the «Transfer Student». It’s the difference of information. The «Transfer Student» can use this difference to move the «Protagonist» like a puppet. It’s simple. She merely needs to give just the favorable information to the «Protagonist».”
That’s…right. Otonashi-san can do anything with me as soon as I forget the situation again.
“On the other hand if he closes the gap between their levels of information, which is the main reason he can’t rival her, it could work out somehow. So he just needs to get rid of this handicap.”
“…but this is impossible!”
Daiya smirks at my murmur.
“Say, you told me that the «Protagonist» can take over the memories of last time?”
“Yeah.”
“If he takes over himself, who took over the memories of last time, he’s able to take over the memories of the time before last. Right?”
“……well, I guess so.”
“So if he takes over the memories of the time before last, he can also take over the memories of two times before last. If he takes over the memories of two times before last, he can also take over the memories of three times before last.”
“…so—? I mean the «Transfer Student» is also able to build up information during this time. The difference can’t be filled up. Otonashi-sa— the «Transfer Student» has already the memories of more than 2,601 repetitions, you know? What’s going to change for the «Protagonist» if he obtains the memories of two, three times—”
“Repeat for 100,000 times.”
“…eh?”
“There’s no way to fill up the difference of the bygone 2,601 times. Then just make those 2,601 irrelevant. The difference of information between 102,601 times and 100,000 times is merely 2% if we use simple math. You can’t call this a difference anymore. If the «Protagonist» repeats this much, he obtains the means to oppose the «Transfer Student». Then he has to use the gained information and the opponent’s efforts to exhaust the «Transfer Student», to weaken her, to frustrate her and to make her forget the memories of those iterations.”
“I’m—”
I’m supposed to do such a thing?
“……but he doesn’t know how to take over the memories to begin with.”
Right. I was able to take over the memories this time, but this was just by chance.
“You said that the shock of seeing a corpse made the «Protagonist» take over the memories, right?”
“That’s what I suppose…at least.”
I can’t think of another reason and my feelings are telling me that’s the way it is.
I was able to take over the memories by chance, because I saw Haruaki’s corpse.
“Then it’s simple.”
Daiya states carelessly.
“The «Protagonist» just needs to produce corpses himself.”
“—what the!”
I reflexively become speechless.
“S-Such an act—”
“Well, listen. I guess it’s certainly unreasonable to kill someone. With such a lack of ethics the «Protagonist» would just cause aversion in the reader. My point is that the «Protagonist» has to prepare something with the same impact as seeing a corpse.”
“…that could certainly…work.”
“In other words the «Protagonist» just needs to have a stronger tenacity for the ‘box’ than the «Transfer Student».”
The chime rings. Daiya considers our talk finished and turns around.
“I’ll return to the classroom. You should quickly come too, Kazu!”
“Yeah…”
But I don’t feel like returning to the classroom right away and stay still. Daiya walks away without paying me any attention.
I sigh.
“…there sure might be a way to retain my memories. But—”
—hanging on for 100,000 times? It may be possible in theory but in reality, it’s not. There’s no way a feeling human could bear it. That’s like being told ‘I’ve developed a car with the top speed of 10,000kmph, so please drive it for me’. Even if the car could drive with that speed, my body would fail to resist the burden and finally break. My mind, no, the human mind isn’t made to endure 100,000 repetitions of just the same day.
Otonashi-san is a special case if she’s really able to bear it. Please don’t put me into the same category as this monster.
But is this the only way to oppose Otonashi-san? Am I even supposed to oppose her? Wouldn’t it be better for both of us if I just raised the white flag?
I let out a sigh once again since I can’t even decide on such a thing.
When I look up, wanting to return to the classroom for now…
“—ah”
I reflexively raise my voice.
“……Haruaki.”
Did he hear us? No, his face in the shadow of the post looks too serious for that. After all we were only talking about a ‘fictional story’. Theoretically.
“Frankly, being your friend, I get jealous when you get in a good mood without me. Thus I think it’s completely fine for me to hide and eavesdrop on you. Let’s forgive me.”
He starts to freely plead himself not guilty. Despite of his joking tone, his expression stays as serious as before.
“Well then, Hoshii—”
Haruaki scratches his head and asks.
“—wanna try killing me?”
My breath stops.
I have no idea what makes him say these absolutely uncommon words.
Haruaki watches my bewilderment for a while. I’m not even able to wink. He suddenly forms his mouth to a complacent smile and, apparently unable to bear it any longer, bursts into laughter.
“Ah, don’t tell me!—That’s cruel, Haruaki! Don’t tease me!”
“Ahaha! No, no, I’d never have guessed that your reaction would be that serious…!! Terrific! Hoshii, you’re just too funny! Naturally I’m just joking, just joking!”
Well, that’s logical. There’s no one who would believe that such a recurrence could happen in reality.
“Right…A joke…of course it’s just a joke.”
“Of course. Naturally it’s a joke. —something like letting me getting killed.”
I feel something odd with the last sentence.
“—Haruaki?”
“—And? How can I assist you?”
Assist? What’s Haruaki talking about?
Haruaki is serious and earnest again when he continues.
“Well, since my memories will be lost in the next world anyway, I guess it’s limited what I can do now.”
Aah, I see—
Haruaki believes in the “Rejecting Classroom”.
He believes my story everyone would just think of as made-up.
“……Haruaki.”
“What’s wrong, Hoshii?”
“Err…this is just a fictional scenario I made up, you know?”
Haruaki laughs and matter-of-factly said:
“That’s a lie, isn’t it?”
“Wha—”
I can’t even bring out the words to ask how he figured that out.
I mean, I myself couldn’t believe such a nonsensical story even if someone begged me to.
“Wahaha! Are you impressed by this deep friendship of mine, that makes me even swallow such a story unhesitatingly?”
“Yeah.”
When I nod, Haruaki seems to be taken aback for some reason.
“N-No…don’t answer so plainly! I’ll blush.”
He bashfully scratches his nose.
“Just in case, Daiya also thinks that this isn’t a fictional story, but actually happening to you, you know?”
“Eh?…no, I don’t think so. I mean, we’re talking about the realist, Daiya, remember?”
However, now that he mentions it, he might have acted a bit unusual. After all he specially changed the place for this talk and sacrificed his break. If he really thought of it as just a novel, he would have chased me away with something like “Boring. Don’t write it.”
“Okay, probably he didn’t believe your story as is. But he earnestly believes that you’re currently in this situation. I sensed it!”
Come to think of it, Daiya’s advice was a bit off the mark, considering it was about a novel. He clearly chose the answers I wanted.
“There’s a contradiction to begin with, Hoshii. Aya-chan, who’s the motif of the «Transfer Student» arrived today, you know? You called Daiya in the break after the first lesson. When would you have had the time to think all of this up?”
“Ah—”
That sure is true.
“I think that you’re telling the truth and not some delusion.”
“…why?”
“It’s a bit too well made for being a delusion of yours, isn’t it? There’s no way you’d have such a thriving imagination, Hoshii.”
“How rude…”
“Well, but even if you were a bit more brilliant and could think this up in such a short time; I’d still believe you.”
“…why?”
“Because we’re friends, aren’t we?”
Uwa, what is that guy saying.
I mean, how should I…suppress my blush and react to him if he speaks to me like this?
✵
Haruaki frowns and stuffs a french fry into his mouth.
“I see. So Aya-chan…no, Aya Otonashi might have killed me…”
As suggested by Haruaki, we went to McDonald’s. Two students in uniform who left early, due to feigned illness, at McDonald’s, in broad daylight. I can’t help sensing the surrounding people’s glances and want to flee.
“I wonder if Otonashi-san would care about being at McDonald’s at such a time and in uniform.”
“Well, I guess in Aya Otonashi’s case, she wouldn’t.”
Haruaki listens to the story that he might have been killed by the Otonashi-san he fell for at first sight and spits out her name in hostility.
“In other words, she’s adapted to this over the course of more than 2,000 loops.”
Otonashi-san has become accustomed to everything being declared as «void». She surely doesn’t get upset about each and any thing within the ‘Rejecting Classroom’ anymore.
Otonashi-san has adapted to an abnormal situation. Can you really say that her personality’s still normal?
This Otonashi-san who is trying to kill me?
“Was this supposed to be an escape?”
My heart stops.
The sudden voice of the person I thought of right now. I cannot turn around to the voice behind me. I am unable to move as if I were cemented.
How did she find us? I didn’t even tell Daiya.
Otonashi-san walks around me and stops in front of me. I am still unable to raise my face.
“I’ll tell you something good, Hoshino,”
She says with a grin on her face.
“I’m spending this March 2nd for the 2,602nd time. I’ve spent this time together with classmates that haven’t changed a bit since they don’t keep any memories and aren’t aware of this recurrence.”
She quietly puts her hand on the table. That is enough to make my body stiffen up.
“People change. Their values do, too. Thus it’s not easy at all to predict their actions. However, it’s way too easy to grasp your action as you guys are trapped in a deadlock and don’t change. Even more since it’s the same March 2nd. I even grasped your conversation pattern. Hoshino, I can easily predict the range of actions a passive high school student like you would take.”
I’m just experiencing the «information difference» Daiya mentioned firsthand. I vaguely thought that was just about information on the ‘Rejecting Classroom’ or the ‘box’. But it’s not just that. The most crucial information is the information on «Kazuki Hoshino» — myself. And the information I need to obtain is on «Aya Otonashi». That’s what Daiya meant from the start. That’s why he said that the difference between our information would disappear through more recurrences.
“Got it? You can’t escape from me, Hoshino. I have a grip on you. I could easily crush you. But if I do so, I’ll also crush this important article you’re holding. That’s the only reason you’re alive. Got it? Better not anger me.”
Otonashi-san seizes my hand.
“Be quiet and follow me. And then quietly obey me.”
She isn’t gripping my hand tightly. If I try, I should be able to shake her off. But…can I do that?…no way. I’m already taken over by Aya Otonashi. I’m miserable? I’m aware of that. But I just can’t…defy her. I don’t know how to.
And despite that — despite me knowing no means to defy her — my hand is set free from Otonashi-san’s grasp.
“What are you doing?”
Otonashi-san says. I wasn’t able to shake her off. So her hostile words aren't directed at me.
“What I’m doing, you ask?…ha!”
They are pointed at Haruaki, who has pulled our hands apart.
“I won’t hand Hoshino over to you! Can’t you get even such a simple thing? Are you an idiot?”
Haruaki’s provocations are childish, but his face has become stiff. It is a complete bluff. He doesn’t look down on people like that to begin with.
However, naturally, Otonashi-san doesn’t react to his provocation.
“That’s not what I’m asking. Usui, it appears that you’re the one who can’t use his head. Your actions are futile. Meaningless. It seems you decided to save Hoshino, but that is merely a momentary fragile dream, about to disappear. Next time, you will have forgotten this determination anyway and come running, confessing to me instead of considering me an enemy.”
Haruaki falters completely upon these words. He knows that it’s going to be like that. If it resets again, Haruaki will forget our conversations this time. However hostile towards her he may be now, he’s going to fall for her at first sight again, and he’s going to confess to her again. Haruaki’s within a hopeless deadlock.
And even though he is confronted with such a truth, Haruaki clenches his fist.
“No, it’s still you who can’t use her head, Otonashi! I might really return to the «unaware me» each time! I guess I won’t be able to keep my memories and I’m not as bright as Daiya. But you know what? I have quite some faith in myself.”
“I don’t understand. What are you trying to say?”
“Say, Otonashi. It’s certain that I’m in a standstill and won’t change, right?”
“Yeah, that’s why you can’t do anything.”
“Ha! It’s just the other way, Otonashi! If I’m not going to change, I can vouch for the me in a later world. After all they will be the exact same person as I’m now. I can imagine this without problem! Those selves are going to believe Hoshii each time when he explains them his situation, and they will help him each time. Whichever world, I won’t abandon my friend Hoshii. Listen, remember this well, Otonashi—”
He pointed at Otonashi-san.
“—If you make Kazuki Hoshino your enemy, you’ll also turn an immortal against you. Me!”
To be honest, his posture is anything but firm. He seems pressured, he is bluffing and his hands are even trembling. He’s obviously anxious. Especially since he’s usually clowning for everyone. Cool words suit him so little, it’s not even funny.
But his words have warmed my heart more than enough.
I mean, Haruaki is saying so without 1% doubt. There’s none of his usual exaggerated-ness, either. Haruaki says so as if it’s a matter of fact.
“——”
Of course Otonashi-san isn’t flustered a bit by his unsteady posture. But she also does not object right away. She closes her mouth for a few seconds, displeased.
“…You’re sounding as if I am the bad one. Aren’t you aware that it’s Kazuki Hoshino who dragged you into this ‘Rejecting Classroom’?”
Otonashi-san’s words are precise and sharp. Haruaki takes damage by each one, but still—
“I won’t mistake my ally just because of that!”
Haruaki doesn’t change his opinion. He decidedly doesn’t avert his gaze from Otonashi-san although he is frightened.
This isn’t good. I mean, the opponent is Aya Otonashi! She isn’t the one who’s bothered when Haruaki declares her an enemy forever. It’s Haruaki. The girl he’ll be attracted to each time is going to be hostile towards him; for no obvious reason. From now on, Haruaki is going to suffer each time.
Whereas she surely won’t feel any pressure from him snapping at her.
However,
“I’ve lost my interest.”
Otonashi-san is the one who averts her gaze first and turns away.
“All your actions will become meaningless anyway when next time arrives.”
She spits out these words and leaves.
If it wasn’t for her who said it, it might have sounded a little like a poor excuse. But it doesn’t sound that way at all. In the first place, how could Otonashi-san lose to him when she doesn't care about him anyway?
Hence, she simply voiced her thoughts. She merely came to the conclusion that it would be more convenient to do something about me in a more advantageous situation.
Otonashi-san doesn’t feel anything for us. Of course she doesn’t fear us, but she isn’t angry at us and doesn’t scorn us either.
So I wonder — why?
No, I know. It has to be just my imagination. A wrong guess. An extreme misunderstanding. But even so, really, honestly, just for an instant—
Didn’t she look just a bit — down?
“Say…Hoshii,”
Haruaki says with his gaze still directed at the automatic door Otonashi-san left through.
“Do you think I’m going to be killed?”
No way…is what I almost answer reflexively. But then I notice that it could be like last time and keep quiet.
✵
As expected it was raining on March 3rd of the 2,602nd time. I went to school a bit earlier than last time and avoided the spot of the accident, although it was a detour. In order to ward off Otonashi-san’s attack…or, rather than that, simply to not see that scene a second time.
When I arrive at the classroom, Daiya is already there. He comes over when he notices me.
“What’s wrong, Daiya?”
For some reason Daiya doesn’t answer right away. He looks deep into my eyes. He’s as good at hiding his feelings as ever, but this time something is obviously different.
“……about the novel we talked about yesterday.”
Daiya speaks consciously indifferent. It is about the «novel». In other words, it is about «my current situation».
“There’s something that’s been bothering me. Why doesn’t the «Transfer Student» lose her memories, even though the «Protagonist» does?”
I cannot answer him. Because I don’t get the reason why he began to talk about this.
“Even the «Protagonist» — the creator of this «Rejecting Classroom» — loses his memories. Even if we assume that the «Transfer Student» possesses some special power, wouldn’t it be too convenient to automatically keep the memories of the recurrences? So I think it would be better to make the «Protagonist» and «Transfer Student» be able to keep their memories employing the same method.”
“…you might be right.”
I agree without thinking too much about the meaning. Maybe I am unable to grasp his words fully because he is just talking about a «novel».
“The «Protagonist» was able to keep his memories, because he saw a corpse, right?”
“…I think so.”
“The corpse was result of a truck crash, right? There’s no way the «Transfer Student» who spent the same day for 2,601 times, wouldn’t know of this truck. If the «Transfer Student» had her hands in the accident, then it was without a doubt intentional. That’s why you expressed that the «friend of the Protagonist» «got killed».”
I nod.
“But something bothered me there.”
“Why? Are my thoughts odd?”
“No, not at all. It’s certainly an effective attack against the «Protagonist». That is, if it can be taken for granted that he will take over the memories. There’s no meaning in a successful attack when the «Protagonist» forgets it right away.”
“I don’t get what you’re trying to say…”
“The goal of the «Transfer Student» is to steal the ‘box’ from the «Protagonist», right?”
“Yeah.”
“Try to think from the «Transfer Student’s» perspective. The «Transfer Student» finally found the person she’s been searching for — the «Protagonist». Although the «Transfer Student» could have kept quiet, she openly explained the situation to the «Protagonist». A clueless opponent and an opponent that was attacked and thus is on guard — from which one is it easier to steal the ‘box’? Of course it’s the clueless opponent. So why do you think the «Transfer Student» explained the situation to him?”
“Err…because the «Transfer Student» thought the «Protagonist» would forget?”
“Right. She concluded that it wouldn’t matter. That she told him was probably just because of something like dissipation; you may also call it negligence.”
“But the accident could only occur intentionally, right? So it could only be an attack against me…”
“I guess it was intentional. But try to think like this: it was unforeseen by the «Transfer Student» for the «Protagonist» to see the corpse.”
In other words, the accident had a different goal than attacking me?
I think about his words once again.
“Ah—”
I hastily look around in the classroom. The «Transfer Student» — Aya Otonashi — isn’t there. Surely she is still at that place.
“No way…that’s not normal anymore!”
“Of course. There’s no way a person that has adapted to 2,602 recurrences would stay in his right mind.”
Aya Otonashi killed someone.
She did so not to attack me, but to retain her own memories.
I remember. I don’t even want to, but I remember. That this accident hasn’t happened only during the 2,601st time. That she may have already done so in each of the 2,600 other times.
So will she continue to kill people in order to ‘transfer’?
Will I be forced to watch this silently?
Will Haruaki be killed again this time?
“—Haruaki!”
“Mh? What’s wrong, Hoshii?”
Haruaki has entered the classroom just now and stands beside the door.
What does this mean? Haruaki isn’t the target?…right, there’s no need for him to be the corpse, is there?
“Well, enough with your novel, Kazu…let’s get to the point.”
Daiya continues without caring about Haruaki.
“It seems there was an accident a short time ago.”
Daiya takes a deep breath and speaks.
“Aya Otonashi was run over by a truck.”
Err, what—?
Aah, I see.
She doesn’t care even if she herself is the target.
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