Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 1st time (2) (ch31)

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 1st time (2)

"I am Aya Otonashi. Pleased to meet you."
The transfer student says with a faint smile.
Astonished by her looks, the girls start to get noisy while the boys are completely bereft of speech.
Of course I am no exception. I think I've never seen anyone as charming as her before. I couldn't avert my eyes even if I wanted. Our eyes meet. I am instantly captivated by her eyes. The transfer student seems as though she is used to my reaction and smiles softly at me.
It almost makes me dizzy.

Falling in love with her is probably impossible. We are just too different. It's almost as if we we don't live in the same world. This may sound a bit mean, but I think anyone would agree after seeing her.
"At first I would like to make a declaration."
Aya Otonashi says without losing her perfect smile.
"Please, --- do not make friends with Aya Otonashi --- with me."
The classroom sinks into silence at once.
This declaration is enough to put the entire boisterous class to silence. It's almost like magic.
"Please do not take offense at this. If possible, I would love to make friends with everyone. This is, however, not possible. Because ---"
"--- the existence of Aya Otonashi has to be an illusion."
I swallow even though I still have no clue what she's talking about.
"We are a bad match anyway. We are just phantoms seen from the other. Because I am the 'transfer student'. I am not acquainted with anyone - no one knows me either - and I am going to constantly return to this state. I will have to endure and maintain this state of no relations for a long time. So I think it's accurate to call me a phantom. But even while being a phantom I still have a self. I feel sad about it as well. But I have no other choice but to accept it. Because as soon as I stop being able to accept being an illusion - as soon as I cannot endure it anymore - I am going to be taken in by this false recurrence."
I still don't get it at all. The only thing I understand is that she's dead serious and won't let anyone make fun of her.
"In order to become an illusion, I abandoned my real name inside this 'box'. I fear that if I use my real name, I will become my own burden. And if I get taken into this false recurrence, you will most likely all be erased."
She continues with a steady voice.
"Therefore, I --- have to continue being a illusion, being Aya Otonashi."
I see. I don't know what that means, but she isn't «Aya Otonashi» yet.
She is going to become «Aya Otonashi».
She probably doesn't want to. It's not what she wishes for.
Still she has no other choice but to become «Aya Otonashi».
"But I am not strong."
She bitterly says.
"I suppose there will be times when I want to complain. However, I will stop being «Aya Otonashi» as soon as I show any sign of weakness hereafter. Therefore, I will show this weakness right now. I---"
It's by chance.
Yeah, I guess it's just by chance, but without doubt---
---she is looking at me when she says
"I --- want someone to be by my side."
And then she smiles at me.
"Well then, please let me introduce myself once again."
She speaks as if to convince herself.
"I am «Aya Otonashi». I hope we can be on good terms during the long time that is ahead of us."
Aya Otonashi bows very deeply.
We are all still silent, unsure how to react.
Therefore, I applaud.
The sound of my hands clapping together is the only sound to be heard.
Finally someone joins the applause. After him, someone else starts to applaud as well. The sound of applause gets steadily louder.
When all our classmates are applauding, she finally raises her face again.
But she's not smiling anymore.
She's clenching her fist strongly and looking straight ahead in an imposing manner.