Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27755th time (ch17)

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27755th time

"Come on, isn't there something different about me today? Isn't there?"
Kokone comes asking with her usual face. She's asked me the same question sometime in the past already. What's the right answer again?
"...you've applied mascara."
"Ooh! Thumbs up, Kazu-kun!"
Seems like I was right.

"...so, how is it?"
"Yeah, looks cute."
I say without hesitation. Once again the correct answer. I wasn't too serious about it, but Kokone is satisfied just by hearing the word 'cute' and nods, smiling.
"Mhm, mhm. I see, you have great prospects. Hey, you lad there with that twisted personality! You ought to follow his example."
She folds her arms contentedly and turns her head to Daiya.
"I'd rather bite off that tongue than say that."
"Ah, that would be a relief for the entire world. Please go ahead."
"No, I'm talking about your tongue."
"Haha! So you desire an intense deep kiss with me? Please don't get carried away too much by your fascination for me~"
With no hunch of the situation I am in, the both of them start insulting each other at high speed - like always.
Shortly after, Daiya brought up the matter of the transfer student.
Please come soon, Otonashi-san.

✵

"I'm Aya Otonashi. I have no interest in anyone but Kazuki Hoshino and the 'owner'."
The classroom becomes noisy at the same moment.
Umm, Otonashi-san? You're a transfer student, so sure, you can put some distance between yourself and your classmates on the first day. But I've been in this class for almost a year, so it doesn't work like this for me, you know?
"What does she mean by 'owner'? Who's the possession? Does she mean 'the person that possesses Hoshino'?"
"Isn't that simply «girlfriend», then?"
"Which means that Kazuki-kun has a «girlfriend» and the transfer student Otonashi-san is searching for her? Why?"
"I guess there was something between him and Otonashi-san. Maybe they're going out... so he's two-timing?!"
"Exactly! That's it without fail! That way seems funnier, so let's go with that!"
"So while having complex feelings of love and hate for Hoshino, she's chased after him and transferred to our school. I'm sure."
"Which means Hoshino has... seduced such a beauty?! Damn it!!"
Our classmates carry the subject on as they please, ignoring us, the concerned. Where the heck do those ideas come from?
"So, Hoshino actually... only toyed with me..."
"What?! You were the other one?!"
"No... I was probably just an extra... the third, no, there must have been more."
"Wha...that bastard!"
Kokone pretends to be crying while Daiya takes the opportunity and raises his voice in a way he usually wouldn't. Geez, those two sure cooperate only at such times.
"...How bothersome."
Otonashi-san murmurs.
"Because of you they got interested in me all the more instead of being put off."
Err... is that my fault?

✵

Right after the first lesson, Otonashi-san and I rush out of the classroom. While some of my classmates naturally cheer me on, I also sense the thirst for blood in the glances of some guys, but there's no time to care about such things.
We arrive at our usual spot - the back of the school building.
We won't participate in the lessons anymore.
"I see. Working with you means to automatically get dragged into your relation network. Jeez... that's unpractical."
No, I'm pretty sure the problem's how you talked to them.
"But it's the first time in those 27,755 times that I experienced demerit in rejecting them. This is truly amusing."
"Umm, I don't know if you should find this amusing..."
"Don't be like that. Even to me new experiences are more or less exciting. Also, things changed this much just because we started operating together. That's a welcome change."
"What do you mean?"
"There may be a new clue which I haven't seen when I was alone."
Looking at it like this, it's surely worth it to cooperate, but well...
No, she may surprisingly be right. After all, she doesn't know how our class 1-6 was before today. She can't compare today with previous days. For example, she doesn't know that my love for Mogi-san evolved between today and yesterday - in other words during the 'Rejecting Classroom'.
"But what should we do now, concretely?"
"...about that, Kazuki. I brooded over it and arrived at the conclusion that you may still be the key for the 'Rejecting Classroom'."
"Eh? So you're still suspecting me?"
"That's not it. Let me ask you: why can you retain your memories?"
"Eh... who knows?"
"It's a mystery, isn't it? Sure, I can sense certain differences between you and other humans. But isn't it still strange that you're the only one who can retain his memories?"
"Well... of course."
"Thus, I assume that this fact may be included in the goal of the 'owner'."
"E..rr...?"
"You're dull as always. In other words, it might also be in the interests of the 'owner' that you keep your memories."
It's a goal of the 'Rejecting Classroom' that I keep my memories?
"That's not possible. It's not like I retain my memories for sure, you know? If it wasn't for you, I probably would have kept losing my memories like the others."
"Indeed, you can say that's the flaw in my hypothesis. However, it's also possible that your memory retention is flawed just like the recreation of the past by the 'Rejecting Classroom'. That contradiction would support my hypothesis, since the past cannot be redone anymore if you retain your memories."
That might indeed be possible. But for some reason it doesn't make sense to me.
"In the first place, what meaning is there in letting me retain my memories?"
"How should I know?"
...she answers bluntly.
"But I know what feeling moves people the most."
"What?"
Otonashi-san looks deep in my eyes and speaks.
"Love."
"...'love'...?"
Due to the scary face she makes, I can't grasp the meaning right away. Aah, love?
"Otonashi-san, that was quite cute of you."
Otonashi-san looks at me with cold eyes.
"What is? Such deep-rooted love doesn't differ from hatred in any way."
"The same as hatred?" I'm taken aback. "...t-they're completely different!"
"They're the same. ...No, they are certainly different. Love's a worse feeling than hatred because people themselves aren't aware of its dirtiness. It's just repulsive."
Repulsive, huh...
"That doesn't matter now. Kazuki, is there nothing that comes to mind?"
"You mean someone who's in love with me, right? No way, there---"
I am about to deny when I suddenly recall.
There is one.
If she wasn't joking when she called me out by phone --- there is one.
"Looks like you can think of someone."
"......"
"What is it?"
"...err, well. The girl that's in love with me doesn't necessarily have to be the culprit, right?"
"Of course not. That alone is far from enough to conclude whether that person is the culprit or not. That is, however, no reason to not investigate this matter."
"No... well... there's no way she could be the culprit."
"What makes you so sure that she isn't the 'owner'?"
I simply don't want her to be the culprit. I'm aware of that.
"We have unlimited chances as long we're in the 'Rejecting Classroom'. We will take every possibility to come closer to the 'owner'."
"...but so far you haven't been successful with that method, have you?"
"You're quite offensive today, huh? But it's as you say. However, we have the new clue that your memory retention is another goal. I have never investigated with that in mind. We might be able to obtain new information I wasn't able to obtain before."
"But--"
"Don't you want to clear our doubts all the more because it's someone you trust?"
Right. It's just as she says.
Somewhere in my heart I'm doubting that person, thus, I don't want to investigate.
"......I got it. I'll help you."
"You shouldn't just help me but rather take the lead, though."
She's right. I am the one who wants to slip out of the 'Rejecting Classroom'.
...Still... something has been extremely bothering me for a while. Something feels off.
"Well then, let's go."
"W-Wait a sec!"
"Why are you wavering! I'm rather near to the end of my patience, you know!"
What is it that bothers m--- ah, I see.
When I recognize the origin of this strange feeling, my ears become hot.
"Mh? What's wrong, Kazuki? Your face is all red."
"Ah, no, it's just, you're--"
Why did she change her way of calling me from «Hoshino» to «Kazuki»?
"What? What are you talking about? ...Hey, why is your face reddening even more?"
"...S-Sorry. Never mind."
When did she start calling me by the first name? Not even my parents address me like that.
I guess my face is turning redder even now.
"...? You're weird. Anyhow, let's go."
«Otonashi-san» turns her back to me and starts walking.
"Y-Yeah..."
Should I use another name than «Otonashi-san» as well? If I followed her example, I would have to call her... «Aya»?
...Nonono!! I can't I can't That's out of question!!
Make that «Aya-san» at least... no, that's still too hard. But «Otonashi-san» is too reserved. It should be a name that's a easy to say and a bit more casual.
"Ah..."
One came to mind. It's quite embarrassing to say, too, but since I've used that name several times already, it should work.
"......Maria."
When I murmur this name in a low voice, «Otonashi-san» stops and turns around. Her eyes are wide open.
"Uwa! S-Sorry!!"
I apologize reflexively as I see her unexpected sharp reaction.
"...Why are you apologizing? You just surprised me a little."
"...So you're not angry?"
"Why should I be angry? Call me as you like."
"I, I see..."
Otonashi-sa... no, 'Maria's' mouth relaxes.
"But still, of all things you chose Maria... Heh."
"Ah, well... if you don't like it..."
"I don't mind. I just affirmed something again."
"Err... what did you affirm?"
For some reason, Maria smiles gently.
"That you, Kazuki, are an amusing fellow."

✵

I'm rummaging.
I've returned to the classroom and now I'm rummaging through the belongings of the girl that seems to be fond of me.
Of course I'm not doing it because I want to, and I also feel extremely immoral for doing this.
They have gym class at the moment. For that reason, Maria judged that we should better use this chance to look for a hint in her belongings instead of directly talking to her.
Since I've been silently thinking the same by myself, I obeyed her while having these feelings of immorality.
By the way, it only has meaning if I'm the one doing it. Maria has already searched through everyone's belongings several times. Judging from the current state of things, she hasn't found anything. Which is fair enough. Maria can't notice anything that has changed from earlier since she's only known us for today.
"Huu..."
She has made clean markings in various colors in her text books. Her notes are neatly written with small well-formed letters. And also here, she has used lots of colors. At the left edge is a drawing of a cat. And so is one on the next page at the same spot. The same on the next page... then I notice. This is meant to be a flip book. When I try flipping through it, the cat flies away on a rocket that it has built with a tin can. I smirk spontaneously before I get stopped by Maria scowling at me.
All in all, there are a lot of girlish things. The colors are generally pink or white. Her iPod is filled with J-POP. Her wallet isn't here, so she's probably carrying it around with her.
"Oh!"
I find a neatly decorated mobile phone. A treasure chest of personal information.
I've had some expectations for a clue, but the mobile phone is locked so I can't look into it. ...But in a sense, I'm relieved that I won't have to.
I try looking into the make-up pouch next to the pink hand mirror. This should be the foundation, this is the color lipstick, this is the eyeliner to draw eyebrows, these are the scissors to trim the eyebrows, and finally something that seems to be quite new... mascara, I guess.
"---"
Oh?
Something's strange.
"Did you find anything, Kazuki?"
"......I don't know, yet..."
I rummage through the contents of the make-up pouch. There's nothing special in there, I think.
"Maria, does something catch your eye in this make-up pouch?"
"No? I've searched through it already before, but I didn't find anything special---"
She starts speaking but then her face freezes.
"---wait, that can't be. She shouldn't have that. There's no way I didn't notice during these 27,755 times. But... in fact,---"
"Eh? Did you find anything?"
"...Kazuki. You should have felt something else, looking at this."
"...eh? ...mhh, well, I thought that using make-up does surprisingly not seem like her."
"Good grief!"
Maria contorts her face bitterly.
I go on searching the bag for further clues. Inside it, I discover a familiar touch. I take it out.
"Ah---"
They get pulled out.
When I see the familiar wrapping, my memories resurface.

«Let's say the approach of my confession had been different. Would you possibly have accepted, then?»
«Aah, okay. So I just need to continue confessing until I succeed, right?»
No way.
No way.
No way.
I won't believe such nonsense.
This is just a coincidence. It has to be a mere coincidence, but the memories that surface in my mind are way too offbeat for being made up by me---
"---Maria, what's your favorite dish?"
"...What's with that, all of a sudden?" Maria looks at me and frowns. "...Hey, what's wrong Kazuki? You don't look well!"
"...You know, mine is Umaibō."
I reveal the object I've taken out of the bag just now.
An Umaibō package.
"I especially like Corn Potage flavor. But I haven't told anyone because no one cares. I often eat them in the classroom, but regarding the types, I'm quite unfaithful so to speak, and eat different flavors all the time. No one should know that I like Corn Potage flavor the most!"

«But you don't like Teriyaki Burger flavor that much?»
«Which flavor do you like best?»

I pray it's just a mistake of mine and look at the snack again.
No matter how often I look at it, it stays the same.
It's not Teriyaki Burger flavor. It's an Umaibō with Corn Potage flavor.
The resurfaced memories tell me.
Even if it's just coincidence that she has an Umaibō with Corn Potage flavor in her bag - the images of my pulled-out memories tell me undeniably.
That she is --- the 'owner'.
"Kazuki."
Maria grasps my shoulders powerfully. Her nails eat into my shoulders and bring me back to reality.
"She is the 'owner' for sure. We've finally arrived at our goal... well, not quite."
When Maria bitterly spits out these words, I ask, "What do you mean?".
"Someone who makes such a stupid mistake could never deceive me for 27,755 'School Transfers'."
"But Maria, you have to admit that you didn't know who the 'owner' was, right?"
"That's not true. I probably arrived at her several times already. But I couldn't keep the memories that she's the 'owner'."
"Eh? Why not?"
"I can't say for sure, but I guess that's another rule of the 'Rejecting Classroom'. It would make sense. The 'Rejecting Classroom' works as long the 'owner' herself believes that she's inside an unchanging loop. But if someone knew that she's the 'owner', this prerequisite would crumble down. Hence, as soon someone discovers that she's the 'owner', that memory gets erased."
"...But we know who's the 'owner' this time."
"Sure enough. But that's not something to rejoice about by any means."
Maria speaks vexedly.
"If we don't do something about it this time, we're going to lose this clue again."
I see. If we lose now, we will forget everything we found out this time and begin our search for the culprit once more.
Maria bites on her lips, annoyed. Having only one chance might be very irritating to someone like her who has gotten used to being able to redo things.
"...But Maria, life's a contest decided by a single round, isn't it? No matter how small the matter is, there's no reset button to return to the last save point."
I'm pretty fond of that line myself, but Maria looks at me with cold eyes.
"What's this misdirected encouragement supposed to achieve?"
She even sighs.
"S-Sorry... you looked a little irritated."
Upon hearing my apology, Maria relaxes a tiny bit.
"Yeah, I sure am. But not because our situation is not favorable."
"...but rather?"
"Don't you get it? Although I found out several times that she's the 'owner', the 'Rejecting Classroom' has not ended yet. Do you get what that means?"
I tilt my head.
I don't know if it's against me, the culprit or herself, but Maria then spits those words out in irritation:
"I've lost to the 'owner' many times already."

✵

"Kokone."
"Oh, the man of love, Kazuki Hoshino in person has arrived!"
Kokone teases me jokingly as always.
It's lunch break at the moment. In the end, we didn't participate in this morning's classes and got teased by the others because of that. But thanks to Maria's complete silence, they gave up on that very quickly. The curious glances of our classmates were still focused on us, though. Well, nothing to be surprised about.
"Listen, Kokone. To tell you the truth--"
I stop myself. Because Kokone has changed her soft face to a serious one and caught me by the sleeves.
After taking a peek at Maria, Kokone leads me out of the classroom.
"Kazu-kun, please don't evade my question and give me an honest answer."
Kokone lets go of my sleeve right beside the door and continues.
"What's your relationship with Otonashi-san?"
"...Why do you ask that?"
I ask despite knowing the answer already. Kokone drops her gaze, but can't reply.
"I can't describe my relationship with Maria so simply."
Kokone still keeps quiet, looking at the ground.
"But I love someone other than Otonashi-san."
Kokone widens her eyes when she hears my words and looks at me.
"So---"
But Kokone doesn't say anything more and moves her eyes. I didn't overlook that.
She peers into the classroom and searches for someone.
Her eyes stop moving.
And they are directed at --- Kasumi Mogi.
As of March 01 I haven't fallen in love with Mogi-san yet. And during this time, the 27,755th time, I haven't come in contact with her in any way.
"Kokone, to tell you the truth, there's something I'd like you to do. That is--"
"Yeah. You don't have to say it. I think I've understood with our conversation up to now."
Kokone says with a smile.
"Cooking room after school - that okay with you? I'll tell you everything there!"
Why the cooking room? - I wonder for a moment, but right, Kokone is in the home economics club.
"Probably, there'll be no one else there today."
When I nod, she looks at me again. I can't guess the thoughts behind her face.
"Kazuki."
Maria, who has been watching us from beyond the door, calls me. Probably that's the sign for me to retire.
I tell Kokone, "Later," and am about to turn around.
"Ah, wait a sec!"
Kokone stops me. I stop turning around and look at her again.
"Um, can I ask? Ah, but you don't have to answer of course..."
"What is it?"
"Who is the person you love, Kazu-kun?"
I answer on the spot.
"Mogi-san!"
The instant she hears that, Kokone looks down and hides her face. But I didn't overlook her expression before she could do so.
Kokone was smiling.

✵

Then, after school.
We hear a scream coming from the cooking room and as we enter, we immediately realize that everything went amiss.
We missed this exceptional chance.
There are, as planned, Kokone Kirino and Kasumi Mogi in the cooking room. No, strictly speaking --- what has once been Kokone Kirino and Kasumi Mogi is there.
The cooking room is stained in blood.
The culprit is holding a blood-stained kitchen knife.
"Kazu-kun."
Even though she has noticed me, her expression stays exactly the same.
"...W-why--"
I don't get it. Why did she do something like that?
Mogi-san looks at me, blood-stained. Expressionless like always. But I notice that a light flickers in her eyes that condemns me.
Aah, yeah. Right. I'm most certainly also to blame for this situation.
"Die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die"
Mogi-san restlessly murmurs something resembling a curse.
I don't want to hear that. I want to just block my ears. But I can't even do that. I lost control over my body right in the moment I saw Mogi-san's blood-stained body. Her words invade my ears. I desperately try to not grasp the meaning of those words. But it's futile - the words overwhelm me like an avalanche, they descend upon me and cover my paralyzed body.
Mogi-san is speaking.
She is speaking these words that condemn me.
"Die!"