Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 10000th time (ch28)

Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 10000th time

"Please stop! Please, don't kill me!"
I will not lend him an ear.
I will kill Haruaki Usui.
After all, he suggested it himself, did he not?

I ****ed Haruaki Usui.
And then I vanished. The person that was once Kasumi Mogi vanished. I guess I won't ever see the 'me' again that was crushed in agony, ground to dust and blown away somewhere. Nevertheless, my body will keep resurrecting. My body will keep resurrecting forever, even though it's empty inside.
I feel something entering my empty body.

Something filthy that was born in this 'box'. Something unbelievably grotesque that smells as nasty as a bunch of dead bugs stuck together with feces. I refuse it. I continuously refuse it. But I know very well: I can refuse it as much as I want, this something will gradually enter my body through its gaps. It sniffs out my weak spots like a hyena and starts to dye me pitch black by eating into those. I become pitch black and even lose the awareness of who I am. I become a fake that's still no one other than me.
But still, I can't let it end yet.
I will definitely spend today without regrets!
---today without regrets?
"Hahaha."
Am I stupid? How would I be able to do that here? This is the world after my death. So how would my regrets in the real world disappear by doing something in this different world? Even if Kazuki confessed to me in this world, it would be meaningless. I mean, how would I ever become satisfied in a perfectly separated today? ...look, nothing comes to mind.
The outcome I longed for.
In order to pursue this, during all these iterations so far I've tried my best in this utter standstill.
But I didn't even know what this outcome I've been longing for was.
I've groped for it all this time without even knowing what it was.
And then, I came to the conclusion that in the end, there is no such outcome.
"I don't want to die!"
Aah --- Heh. Finally, I figured it out.
So that was my 'wish'.
So that's why my 'wish' can't be fulfilled for an eternity.
And because I couldn't figure that out earlier, I distorted the 'box' so much. This distorted 'wish' of mine changed to an «attachment» and won't disappear anymore. It's in the 'box', thus it won't disappear.
This «attachment» remains in me and continues moving my fake.
So I'm sure that even when I disappear, this 'box' won't. Ever.