Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27754th time
My body rapidly became cold and then empty, but although that means I myself should have become empty, I open my eyes as always. Unable to endure that coldness that should have passed already, I embrace myself on the bed and tremble.I was killed.
On March 2nd of some loop.
Right, even if I get killed, the ‘Rejecting Classroom’ continues without change. Gaining this awareness, I feel almost as though I’m really becoming empty. The coldness doesn’t seem to fade anytime soon.
I can’t stand being here too long and thus go to school early without eating a proper breakfast.
Outside is the familiar cloudy sky. Tomorrow it’s going to rain. I wonder when I’ve last seen the sun?
Nobody is in the classroom. Well, that’s only natural since I’m an hour early.
A question suddenly occurs to me. Why did I go to the classroom so stubbornly? I’ve noticed the recurrence of the ‘Rejecting Classroom’ many times already. Even now. So can’t I just not go to school to resist this recurrence?
No…I go! Yeah, I go. If I’m healthy, I go to school. To me, this is my everyday life . Definitely something I wouldn’t even dream of changing. An action I wouldn’t change at any cost; maintaining my everyday life. My one and only belief.
Ah, I see. That might be the reason I’m still here. I don’t understand the logic behind it at all, but that’s what I feel.
Even if I end up alone in this classroom.
“——”
I move to the center of the classroom. I climb on someone’s desk with my shoes still on. In my mind I try to apologize, but when I try to recall whose desk I’m standing on, I can remember neither the name nor the face. Still, I really do feel sorry.
I look around. It’s not like I expected something to change by standing on a desk, but there is no one in the dim classroom.
There is no one in the classroom.
There is no one in the classroom.
“……mh, I’m kinda cold.”
I embrace myself.
With a sound the door opens. The person outside spots me standing on the desk right away and frowns.
“…what are you doing there, Kazu?”
Daiya gives me an uncomfortable glance.
Just by noticing that my face relaxes.
“……aah, really, I’m relieved.”
I murmur so and climb down from the desk. Daiya is watching me in the meantime, his frown unchanged.
“You know, seeing you really calms me down, Daiya.”
“……that’s fortunate.”
“After all, you sure are the real Daiya.”
“…hey Kazu. Right now, for the first time in ages, I’m feeling dread of a human.”
“But you know, even if you’re the real Daiya, this world is still a fake everyday life. I can’t share anything with you. The next Daiya won’t know the current me. It’s like I’m the only one outside of the T.V. I just one-sidedly get to know you. So can I really claim that you’re here?”
That’s why there is no one here.
—no one?
“Ah—”
No, that’s not correct.
There is just one other.
There is just one other person that can share memories with me. There is a person that can’t get away as long I don’t omit retaining my memories.
Aah, I see. There have been only the two of us in this ‘Rejecting Classroom’ all the time. Not being able to break out and not even trying to, within this small, small space the size of the classroom, we’ve been beside each other all the time. But I didn’t have the leisure to notice because she’s been perceiving me as an enemy.
I sit on my own seat.
She sits on the seat beside mine.
…I can’t believe it. Just by imagining her sitting there, I’ve calmed down a bit. Even though she was the one that killed me.
✵
Is it because of this?
Because? What is, because? I don’t understand the meaning of this. I can’t grasp my own feelings. But my body warmth drops even more. Rapidly. No, worse. My body has already been cold to the core, but now it reaches absolute zero, freezes, therefore aches, and then stiffens completely.
“I am Aya Otonashi. Pleased to meet you.”
The «Transfer Student» acts almost like a real transfer student and smiles lightly, seeming a bit abashed.
“……what on earth?”
I can’t understand the meaning of this.
No, to be honest, I understand.
«—It’s not like I’m unaffected; Really, it can affect me just as well. If I surrendered and abandoned remembering, I’d get captured by the ‘Rejecting Classroom’ right away. I would continue to live meaninglessly in this endless recurrence. That’s about as easy as spilling a cup of water that’s put on top of one’s head.»—
—a voice I’ve heard once, replayed in my head.
I look at her standing at the platform. I verify her features, come to the conclusion that it has to be her, but I can’t believe it.
She is—ya Otonashi?
That’s impossible. After all there is no way she’d give up.
Yeah, even if she recognized that the person she has been chasing for more than 20,000 ‘School Transfers’ wasn’t the culprit and everything she has done so far became meaningless; there is be no way she'd give up. There is no way! There is no way she would ever give up!
That just — wouldn’t suit her.
The number of our classmates has shrunk by half because they were ‘rejected’. Regardless, everyone is throwing questions at her. She answers them concisely and simply, but properly. She doesn’t reject them coldly as she has before.
Almost like a real transfer student.
This scene should not be possible. Hence, it is a fake happening. A Lie. Everyone is just a lie. Everything is a lie. Then…is Aya Otonashi a lie as well?
—I won’t,
—I won’t,
“I won’t permit this!”
Even if everyone else permits it, I won’t.
I won’t let Aya Otonashi become a fake.
“…what is the matter, Hoshino?”
Kokubo-sensei asks for some reason. Only then I notice I’ve stood up all of a sudden.
I sneak a peek at Mogi-san. The glances of my classmates are focused on me, and so is hers. But as expected, I am unable to guess what she is thinking behind her expressionless face.
She surely wouldn’t give me an answer if I asked what she thinks of what I’m doing at that moment. We have spent a long time together in this classroom. Despite that, our relation has come to a standstill.
The next day needs to arrive for our relation to move beyond merely being classmates.
Right, Mogi-san is not there.
There is no one here.
That’s why…it’s enough already.
I abandon all my classmates who will forget my strange behavior anyway.
I look only at Otonashi-san. I walk towards the platform she’s standing on.
The action I am going to take is as unnatural for me as the attempted confession to Mogi-san.
I stand in front of Otonashi-san.
Otonashi-san doesn’t show any signs of unrest and takes a long, evaluating look at me. I get extremely irritated by her expression which looks like she sees me for the first time.
“Hey, what’s wrong, Hoshino?”
Kokubo-sensei’s voice is calm, but I can recognize unrest in it. My classmates also ask similar things.
I ignore all of them and kneel in front of Otonashi-san. I lower my head and hold out my hand to her.
“What are you doing?”
Otonashi-san asks. In a polite tone she would never use for me.
“I have come to meet thee.”
In that case I’ll do so, too!
“…what are you saying?”
“I have come to meet thee, m’lady Maria. I am Hathaway, the one that pledged to protect only thee, even if it means to betray everyone else and make them my enemies.”
The noise of the surrounding people disappears in an amusing way. Yeah, that’s right. In order to take Otonashi-san back, the first step is to make her realize that these people do not exist. The current state should be very easy to comprehend.
Without raising my face I wait for Aya Otonashi to take my hand. I wait still for her to lay her hand on mine to start the dance.
But it didn’t work out.
Otonashi-san didn’t take my hand.
Instead I collapse to the side, producing a dull sound.
“…you’re gross.”
Since I had my head lowered, I don’t know what kind of attack it was. But lying on the ground I look up at her and finally understand what’s been done to me. She’s given me a knee kick from the right.
Aah, yeah. Understandable. Why did I have such a naïve delusion, that she’d reach out her hand?
“—heh”
Without a doubt, if she really is «Aya Otonashi», then there’s be no way she’d be as kind to me as to reach out her hand.
“ha, hahaha…”
Apparently unable to keep it in anymore, Otonashi-san laughs. Amused from the heart. Probably to an extent I haven’t seen so far during those 20,000 recurrences.
I’m still lying on the ground and my head hurts, but my cheeks relax in relief.
“You’ve made me wait for quite a while, haven’t you, my beloved Hathaway? I’m amazed you dared making a frail lady like me, who can barely lift more than a spoon, wait. I never thought you’d leave me alone for 27,753 times on the battlefield!”
Otonashi-san leans over me and holds out her hand.
She grabs my hand and pulls me up forcefully.
Yeah, that’s it.
That’s how Aya Otonashi is supposed to be.
“…but thanks to that you’ve become quite tough.”
Taken by surprise Otonashi opens her eyes wide. Then she faintly smiles again.
“You on the other hand have become quite skillful with words, Hathaway.”
With those words Otonashi-san pulls me out of the classroom, never letting go of my wrist.
Ignoring homeroom. Ignoring the teacher. Ignoring the students. Ignoring everything. We leave the classroom, ignoring everything I have abandoned.
✵
After dragging me out of the classroom, Otonashi told me to sit on the rear seat of a large motorcycle and had me wear a helmet. I was quite frightened of the speed I had never experienced before and asked her in a quivering voice whether she had a license while feeling her surprisingly slender waist. (Well, one can tell how slender it is just by looking, but somehow I seem to unconsciously demand reliability from her.) She bluntly answered my question with “There’s no way I’d have one.
“I had too much spare time between the ‘School Transfers’, so I acquired this skill. I use my time resourcefully, don’t you think?”
I have to admit her driving skill doesn’t seem half bad.
When I ask her whether she has acquired some other skills, she answers with “Of course”. Driving cars is within what I expected, but apart from that she’s also learned martial arts, sports, languages, various musical instruments, and so on. Generally speaking, she’s tried out about everything she could under the conditions of the recurrences of this ‘Rejecting Classroom’. But Otonashi-san, who’d apparently be able to get almost full points in the National Central Test for University Admissions, proclaims “Well, I knew most of that stuff already before the ‘School Transfers’.”
Her basic specs might be high from the start, but that also showed just how much time she has spent in those 27,754 times. I can’t calculate it exactly, but converted to days that would result in about 76 years. About the lifespan of a human. When I think about it again, it occurs to me just what an incredible time span that is.
“Say, Otonashi-san. You’re of the same age as me, right?”
Probably because of those thoughts, I become curious about her actual age.
“…no, I’m not.”
“Eh? Then how old are you?”
“That doesn’t matter, does it?”
Otonashi-san answers, slightly ill-humored. Is that perhaps something she doesn’t want to be asked? Well, I heard it was impolite to ask girls for their age…in other words she is of an age where that applies?
Thinking about it, there’s no way that there’d be such a mature student in the same school year. She only chose to be a classmate because the position was handy for slipping into the ‘Rejecting Classroom’. Perhaps she is already at an age where it counts as Cosplay to wear a uniform?
“Hoshino, if you have rude thoughts, I’ll throw you off.”
Without even looking at me because she’s driving. Sharp!
“By the way, you learned how to drive a motorcycle during the ‘School Transfers’, right? In that case, this bike isn’t yours, right? Whose is it? Your father’s?”
I am not versed in motorcycles, but this one doesn’t look like it was built for girls.
“Beats me.”
“…eh?”
“Don’t you think it’s careless to leave a bike alone in front of the house with the keys left in the lock?”
Well, I think so, too, but, wait, what? So that means…
“Also the chain lock was poorly-built and could be easily cut up with some tools. It’s always the same every time I ‘transfer’. Well, naturally.”
Let’s not ask in-depth. I don’t know anything. Yeah, I have no clue.
“But say. If you lose your memories, then this driving skill, the other skills and the knowledge you acquired will be lost as well, right?”
That would be a real shame.
“……”
Otonashi-san doesn’t answer me.
“Otonashi-san?”
She still doesn’t answer. Could it be—
“Do you also think it’d be a shame?”
Could it be that she didn’t absorb this much knowledge and skills just to kill time? Even someone like Otonashi-san would regret losing all those acquired abilities. Thus she didn’t want to lose her memories. That’s what I think.
In order to produce this «regrettable» feeling, she went on acquiring skills.
Which reminds me—
Although a bit late, I start wondering.
—why did Otonashi-san act like she had lost all her memories?
In the end she leads me to the most expensive-looking hotel in the vicinity, which is, while not being top class, obviously not affordable for a regular high school student. Otonashi-san checks in accustomedly, turns down the hotel boy that offers to lead us, and starts advancing determinedly.
When we arrive at the room, Otonashi-san immediately sits down on the sofa.
I sit down on the bed while suppressing the uneasiness of being in a high class hotel.…actually it would be quite a stunning situation to be alone with a girl in a hotel. But with Otonashi-san being the other party, I surprisingly don’t feel that strange tension, since being with her seems just too unreal.
“Still, you sure are rich, Otonashi-san. Well, you indeed seem that way.”
“Whether I’m wealthy or not has nothing to do with it. The money will return anyway when I am ‘transferred’ again.”
“…true, now that you mention it. So that means, I’d be able to buy up all the Umaibôs in the convenience store. Awesome!”
“That doesn’t matter now. We didn’t come here to discuss such trifling matters, did we?”
“R-Right. What do you want to discuss specifically?”
“What actions we’ll take from now on. After all, I lost my direction when you turned out not to be the culprit.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Cut the sarcasm.”
I didn’t add any.
“But then, well, wouldn’t it be best to just find the real culprit? Don’t get me wrong; I know it’s not that simple, but wouldn’t it work out better now that you’ve lost this preoccupation against me?”
“…Hoshino. I have experienced 27,754 ‘School Transfers’. Are you aware of that?”
“…what do you mean?”
“I’ve told you a bit of this last time, haven’t I? However much I mistook you for the culprit, it’s not like I didn’t doubt the other people. I also tried to come into contact with the other suspects with a mindset of not knowing the culprit yet.…of course I was probably negligent to a certain extent, since I mistook you for the culprit.”
“But you didn’t find any other possible culprit except me?”
“Yes. Realize that this is the 27,754th time. This means the ‘owner’ of the ‘box’ is a person who didn’t give himself away for such a time span.”
“Err, couldn’t it be that he noticed you because you acted too boldly?”
“Even if he was cautious of me, it would be impossible. We’re talking about the amount of time of 27,754 times, you know? Or do you say that the ‘owner’ has the fortitude and wit to continue hiding his true colors for just so long? Well, but it’s also true that I could not find him. Jeez…the ‘owner’ can only be someone who enters this classroom, and yet, why can’t I find him?”
“…wait a sec. What do you mean by saying the owner could only be someone who enters this classroom? So the ‘owner’ has to be one of our classmates?”
Which reminds me that Otonashi-san mentioned that there aren’t many suspects last time.
“No. The teachers and the students of the other classes that come to our 1-6 classroom each time are suspects, too. The range of this ‘Rejecting Classroom’ is, as the name implies, only the classroom of class 1-6. Only the people that entered the classroom 1-6 during March 2nd and March 3rd are involved in this phenomenon.”
……? But I left the classroom and saw various other people, actually.
“Your face tells me that you don’t understand. Hoshino. In the first place, do you believe it’s really possible to turn back time?”
“Eh…?”
What does she mean? If I say ‘no,’ then the basic concept of all this won’t hold true, will it?
“…but isn’t that what the ‘box’ makes possible?”
“I guess so. It sure would be possible with the ‘box’. But I’m asking for your opinion. Can you fully believe in the power of this thing to turn back time? Do you think such a phenomenon is even possible?”
I have no clue what Otonashi-san is trying to say.
“I think—”
Thus I just answer her question honestly without pondering about her intention.
“—once something has happened, it can’t be undone.”
Even I have thought «If only I could turn back the time» countless times already. But assuming there was a time machine, surely I would still not be able to believe in time traveling. I probably wouldn’t even believe it even if I actually traveled back to the past until I gained thorough proof that that was the past. And possibly, I wouldn’t believe it even then.
I don’t know whether that is the correct answer, but Otonashi-san nods with a “Mhm”.
“Your sentiment is normal. And apparently, the creator of this ‘Rejecting Classroom” also thinks like you.”
“…what do you mean?”
“The ‘box’ makes the inserted thought come true completely. Through and through. Flawlessly. In other words—even the doubts about traveling back in time will come true along with it. You understand what this means, right?”
“Err….”
Wanting to turn back time, but not believing in it. That lack of faith would probably warp the shape of the wish. I get it.
“But weren’t you actually sent back to the past?”
“Hoshino. Did I refer to this phenomenon as «being sent back to the past» even once?”
There is no way I’d know since I have lost most of my memories of her.
“Let’s put it plainly: If the ‘Rejecting Classroom’ was born out of the wish of turning back the time, then it’s poorly made. No, rather it’s defective.”
“Why did you experience over 20,000 recurrences, then?”
“Isn’t exactly this the proof that it’s defective? If time were turned back perfectly, then there would be no way my memories would kindly be excluded from this phenomenon. And, in the first place, if these recurrences were so perfect, how could I slip in as a «Transfer Student»?”
She gives me a side-glance.
“Because it’s you, I bet you thought something simple like ‘For Otonashi, everything is possible,’ and stopped thinking there.”
I can’t object because she’s spot-on.
“To put it simply, all I did was getting into the ‘box’. For example, it wasn’t of my own will that I was made a «transfer student». It’s a position given to me by the role-division of the culprit. The stage of the ‘Rejecting Classroom’ is the classroom 1-6, so I guess it was the most natural way to explain me suddenly slipping in; since I’m of the same generation as you. The culprit’s feeling of balance preserved the consistency.”
“……?”
I have no clue what Otonashi-san is saying. Why is it necessary to keep some consistency?
“Why do you have such a complete lack of comprehension…anyway, to explain it simply — let’s assume the ‘Rejecting Classroom’ is a movie the culprit is directing. The filming has ended so only the editing is left to be done. But due to the circumstances of the company, there’s a new actor that has to appear in the movie. There’s no cast left anymore. But it’s unreasonable to not give him a role and instead just showing this additional actor standing still on the screen. That wouldn’t be a movie anymore. So instead he decides to modify the script to the lowest degree in order to give him a role. That’s what I mean by ‘preserving the consistency’.”
“In other words he couldn’t do anything against you slipping in and had to somehow integrate you. So he was forced to make you a sudden «transfer student» and preserved the school life of March 2nd like this?”
“Yes. And that alone should make you feel that something’s wrong with this ‘Rejecting Classroom’. It’s too bothersome to explain each and every thing so I’ll go straight to the conclusion. This is not «reality». Nor is it a recurrence. It’s merely a small separated «space». It’s just a clumsy ‘wish’ that holds true as long the culprit himself continues to mistake this as a loop of time.”
“Err…so that’s why the recurrences were imperfect?”
“Exactly. The culprit, who doesn’t believe it’s possible to turn back time, merely doesn’t allow it to proceed. He’s just rejecting it. The ‘owner’ just needs to keep deceiving himself.”
“This imperfection is the reason why we can retain our memories?”
“I guess so. The reasons why we can retain our memories may differ, but it’s undoubtedly a gap in the ‘Rejecting Classroom’.”
But there is something I still can’t understand.
“But in the end, who are you, Otonashi-san?”
Otonashi-san frowns openly. Maybe it is a question she wanted to avoid.
“Ah, no…you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to…”
However, she opens her mouth, still frowning.
“There’s no cool name for my position. I’m just a student.…is what I’d like to say, but this applied only until about one year ago…My standpoint, huh? I have never named it, but right, there’s probably only one way to express it. I am—”
Otonashi-san, seeming very displeased, spits out her next words.
“—a ‘box’ itself.”
“A ‘box’ itself? What do you mean?”
When I ask back like a parrot because I don’t understand, Otonashi-san frowns even more.
“There will be hindrances if I explain the details to you. Thus I can’t tell you.”
I am a bit discontented. And this is apparently reflected in my expression, so Otonashi-san continues after looking at me.
“But I’ll tell you just this. I have once obtained and used a ‘box’.”
“Eh—!!”
“And my wish is still being granted.”
Otonashi-san is holding a ‘box’?
“You’re curious about my reason for seeking the ‘box’ anyway, aren’t you? Very well, I’ll you let you know. My ‘wish’ surely was granted. But at the same time, I lost everything.”
“…everything?”
“My family, friends, classmates, relatives, teachers, neighbors — I lost everyone intimate to me because of my ‘wish’. Everyone related to me isn’t…here anymore.”
I am speechless.
“This isn’t…some kind of metaphor, but literal?”
“Yes. I can’t stand to leave it all lost like that. That’s why I’m taking action.”
She has lost everything. She has nothing to lose anymore. That might be why Otonashi-san can be so reckless and fearless in a sense.
Anyway, to wish for such a situation, heck, what kind of ‘wish’ did she insert into the ‘box’?
“Isn’t it possible to destroy the ‘box’? Wouldn’t the wish get ineffective that way?”
“Hoshino.”
Otonashi-san says with a strongly admonishing tone upon my reflexive doubt.
“The ‘box’ is granting my wish. Do you get it? Don’t make me say more about it.”
Right. There’s no way Otonashi-san didn’t think of this natural doubt herself. In other words, it is like this:
The ‘box’ had certainly taken everything away from her. But even so—Otonashi-san doesn’t want to make that ‘wish’ ineffective.
When I keep silent, Otonashi-san takes the lead again.
“My ‘wish’ and the ‘wish’ of the ‘owner’ of the ‘Rejecting Classroom’ can’t coexist. The ‘box’ is made like that. Hence they repelled each other when I slipped in and the interference against me was reduced. But only «reduced». Put another way, I can’t avoid the effect of the ‘Rejecting Classroom’, either. Even I don’t know how much I'm affected. If I gave in, I’d also be captured within the ‘Rejecting Classroom’…as I already told you long ago, huh?”
If that’s the case, what does the ‘owner’ think of Otonashi-san? At least, he is not likely to perceive her as pleasant.
“You should have finally understood the situation to a degree now, so I’ll return to our topic. I guess it’s not possible anymore to retrieve the ‘Rejecting Classroom’ and use it. This ‘box’ is already used up by the ‘owner’, so it’s alright to just end the ‘Rejecting Classroom’.”
“So how can we do that?”
“By tearing out the ‘box’ from the ‘owner’. Alternatively, by destroying it together with the ‘owner’. That’s about it. Another possibility would be…to find him, the distributor of the ‘box’, since he might be able to do something. But he shouldn’t be inside the ‘box’, so that doesn’t seem like an option.”
The distributor of the ‘box’?
I am about to ask her about him — and stop.
I don’t remember about this “*” I should have met already, and I don’t want to, either.
“……so nothing will happen as long we don’t find the culprit, right?”
“Oh? Nothing will happen, you say, huh? So you just implicitly complained to me that our conversation up to now was completely meaningless, nonconstructive and a waste of time, right? You’ve got some nerve.”
“N-No! That was just a confirmation…”
“Hmph, so there are prospects that you can solve this problem even I couldn’t solve, with your knowledge and wit? I’m sure you didn’t say so without an idea in your mind, right?”
“Ugh…”
I winced. There was no way I’d have one.
“If I knew how, then there would be no way I wouldn’t find him. But, right…unlike the other ones, the ‘owner’s’ death won’t be forgiven inside the ‘Rejecting Classroom’. For example, I died countless times inside this ‘Rejecting Classroom’ but I’m here now and I haven’t lost my ‘box’.”
“But the ‘owner’ is different?”
“Yeah, exactly. The ‘owner’ and the ‘box’ are connected. The instant the ‘owner’ dies, the ‘Rejecting Classroom’ will be destroyed. That should be certain since I could confirm it in another similar case. The ‘box’ will break the moment the ‘owner’ dies, at the same time the characteristics of the ‘Rejecting Classroom’ will be annihilated, and the concept of death will be restored.”
“So he’ll stay dead like this…?”
“Exactly.”
“So I can say I’m not the culprit. Also, naturally, you’re not the culprit either.”
“Well, yeah.”
So Mogi-san can’t be the culprit as well. I mean, Mogi-san met with this accident already.
“Say, some of our classmates have disappeared, right? Has this nothing to do with death?”
“…I can’t tell for sure, but there shouldn’t be any relation. I still don’t know the purpose behind this, but probably it’s another characteristic of the ‘Rejecting Classroom’.”
—wait!
I suddenly notice. A simple way to determine the culprit.
At the same time, the blood vanishes from my head. What am I thinking? This is just too despicable. But, but—
Aya Otonashi. She could do it.
I mustn’t tell her. But why doesn’t Otonashi-san notice this method? There’s no way she wouldn’t notice. But she didn’t execute it. This means? What does that mean—?
“Hoshino.”
My body jumps up when she calls me.
“What are you thinking? You surely didn’t think of a way to find the ‘owner’—”
My body jumps again.
“—so you did think of one, Hoshino?”
“Ah, no—”
“Hiding it is futile. How much time do you think I have spent together with you? I have been chasing you longer than anyone in this world. Unwillingly, but still…”
I am aware of that. Anyone would notice that I am trying to hide something.
“——”
But there is no way I can tell her that easily.
“Hoshino. Even you should be aware that I’m not a very patient person.”
She isn’t one to fall for a random lie. Even if I try to evade her question, I’ll surely blurt out the method in the end.
But still—
“Hoshino!!”
Otonashi-san seizes me by the collar. Ah, painful. She’s serious. Well, of course she is. After all, she’s endured more than 20,000 recurrences just to obtain the ‘box’.
“Tell me!! Tell me this method!!”
I will surely regret it if I tell her. But can I really keep quiet in such a situation?
“…you just need to kill all our classmates.”
Thus I tell her.
It is simple. If you can exclude every person that has died at least once from the suspects, then you only need to do that. You just need to kill them. It is kind of simple and devilish.
But people who die here will revive.
There is nothing to worry about. I couldn’t ever do such a division, but I’m sure Otonashi-san is thinking that way.
After all she did produce corpses in order to retain her memories.
But did this really not come to her mind? Why didn’t she think of not only using that method to retain her memories, but also to trace the culprit? And assuming she did think of it, why didn’t she execute that effective method when she just needed to repeat it for only about 40 times?
She doesn’t answer.
She doesn’t show any reaction.
I slowly look at her face.
Otonashi-san is still holding me by the collar and stares at me, unblinking.
“That is—”
Otonashi-san quietly removes her hand from my collar.
“That is — not a method.”
“…eh?”
“That would be something like scientific tests on a living person. Of course it’s the best way to use humans if you want to know how many humans get influenced. But that act shouldn’t even be considered as a method from the start.”
Otonashi-san spits out these words in a low voice without looking away.
“You want to know why? That goes without saying. Because such an act is inhuman. The moment someone does such a thing, he isn’t human anymore.…yeah, I certainly am a ‘box’ itself. Is it because of that? Is that why you—”
Unmistakable anger is dwelling in Otonashi-san’s eyes.
“—aren’t considering me as a human!?”
Aah, certainly, if she did perceive my words like that, then this anger is understandable. I realize that I was thoughtless.
But I can’t comprehend.
“But you’ve killed people to retain your memories, haven’t you?”
“……what are you saying?”
Otonashi-san is apparently unable to endure my words and shoots me a sharp glance.
“…a-as I said, you produced events that remain in your impression in order to retain your memories, didn’t you?”
“Stop insulting me already—!! Didn’t I explain it to you just now?! I can only resist because I am a ‘box’!”
Aah, right. That she retains her memories by producing corpses was just Daiya’s unfounded theory.
But even so, I can’t comprehend.
“What’s with that face? If you have something to say, then spit it out already!!”
Otonashi-san seizes me by the collar again.
At this straight scowl of her, I scowl back.
Yeah…I haven’t prepared myself. I didn’t really consider what it means to scowl back at her, which is a very uncommon act for me.
I am completely under her control. And just because I am aware of that, I am resisting her in this way.
But I say something that breaks things between us.
“Then why did you kill me?!!”
And then the words between us are lost.
✵
Those words irrevocably broke our relationship.
Otonashi-san erased all words or expressions towards me. Completely. With such an Otonashi-san standing before me, I could naturally not do anything and, in the end, had no choice but to leave the hotel.
I loiter around the hotel but that was nothing but reluctance. I just waste my time aimlessly. I give the ‘borrowed’ bike we came riding on a side-glance and walk away. I go to the convenience store. I buy tea in a P.E.T. bottle. I drink it bit by bit. It becomes empty. I notice that I can almost not remember what I have drunk.
This might be the end.
Unlike Otonashi-san, I am not certain whether I can retain these memories. If she doesn’t consider me necessary, I might forget everything and before I know it, I’d get spit out of the ‘Rejecting Classroom’. Then I’d vanish from here like a certain someone.
There is no sound on the path. And there are no street lights, nor are there colors.
It is almost as if the one who made all this didn’t get around to do all details.
I put the empty bottle against my mouth. I feel like being swallowed if I don’t act like I am drinking. Swallowed by what? I don’t know.
At once, the music of my favorite artist resounds on the silent road. What?…aah, I see. That’s my phone.…my phone? So someone’s calling me? Right. Right! I can’t remember having told her. I can’t remember having told Otonashi-san my phone number, but in some world I might have!
I take out the mobile phone from the pocket of my uniform.
The name «Kokone Kirino» is displayed on the L.C.D. screen.
I look up to the sky. As if things could go this conveniently! I know it. But it can’t be helped to have some expectations, right?
I put my breath in order and accept the call.
«Ah, hello…Kazu-kun.»
I don’t feel the usual aspiration from her voice, though that might be just me. Or has Kokone always been like this on the phone? We might be intimate, but I’ve almost never phoned with her before.
«Ah, err—»
I have a hunch that I already know this conversation.
Ah, no, I surely know it. I just can’t recall it right now.
«Can you come by for a bit? I’ll tell you where to meet.»
What was it again? How did this continue again?
«There’s something I have to tell you, Kazu-kun.»
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